Pieces of Me
by JustForkIt
Summary: Bella left the state of Washington to escape the memory of her mother, leaving behind everything and everyone she knew. When tragedy strikes, and she's forced to go back to a life she left behind, will Bella be able to put the pieces back together?
1. Going Home

**A new story I couldn't stop thinking about and just had to write! Nothing is mine, as usual.**

**Bella**

"I cannot believe he fired me!" After throwing my briefcase down into the chair behind my desk, I turned to find Jacob closing my office door. "Those kids belong with their father! It was the right thing to do!"

Silently, he closed the distance between the door and my desk while slowly pulling at the tie around his neck. Once he had sat down in one of the chairs across from me, he spoke. "Regardless of how you feel, Bella, their father wasn't your client. Divorces are ugly, you know that. We don't always represent the client that is 'right'."

"Right and wrong aside, you know just as well as I do that she is an unfit mother. Everyone seems to be forgetting that!"

"Bella, you have to see that-"

I yelled over him. "Don't try to talk me out of this! She doesn't deserve those kids!"

"You broke attorney client privilege! Your client told you, in confidence, that she was having an affair and you brought it into the court room!"

I took a slow, deep, breath. "There is no proof that I-"

"Proof or not, I know-Hell, everyone knows that you were the one to give Lancaster the details on the guy she was sleeping with!"

"A guy that happens to be a known child molester, Jacob! If those girls had gone home with her, there is no telling what would have happened to them!"

The air between us became thick with silence and anger. Both of us stared in opposite directions, trying to defuse the situation that was quickly escalating.

"I'm going to pretend that we never had this conversation, Bella. Since I have absolutely no desire to be implicated in any of this."

Turning my head back to look at him, I tried one last time to make him understand. "Could you have let those two innocent girls go with her? Regardless of who our client is, regardless of who our client's father is and how much money he threw at this firm to handle any of this, could you really have sat there and watch those kids go with her? Jake, you know I'm right."

His eyes hesitantly met mine, and the second he started shaking his head, it was like I had no idea who he was. He wasn't the guy I'd met when I first started at Cooper, Stiles, and Wilkins that helped me dig through boxes and boxes of documents to find one letter that we'd needed for a trial. He wasn't the same guy I'd become friends with, my first friend in Arizona. He wasn't the friend that turned into a boyfriend. I'd felt his lips on mine, felt his hands on my body, knew what his mouth tasted like, but now… now I had no idea who he was. It made me sick.

"You were hired to represent that woman, not to be a vigilante for her two kids that you don't even know. And now, you've been fired and might even be disbarred. All because you let your emotions overrule logic! That isn't right!"

Who the hell is this man? How had I been in a relationship with him for four years?

"Bella, come on. Be reasonable about this."

"I think you should leave, Jake. I… I need to pack up my office and… to be honest with you; I don't want to be around you right now."

Not ever again.

He held his hands up and said my name again, using that stupid calming voice that he usually reserved for pissed of clients or anxious witnesses. "Just stop for a second and listen to me."

"Get out."

"Bell-"

"Get the fuck out of my office!"

A shrill beep from the telephone on my desk interrupted our arguing and my, now ex, secretary wearily said my name over the intercom. "Miss Swan, your dad-"

"Take a message, Courtney." I hung up the phone, not waiting for a response, and then motioned to the door. "Leave Jacob, I'm not kidding."

"Stop acting like I-"

Courtney interrupted us again. "Bella, he said it's an emergency."

Keeping my eyes glued on Jacob, glaring at him for not understanding why this wasn't something I had a choice in, and picked up the phone. "Dad, this really isn't-"

"It's about your mom, Bella."

I couldn't help but be a little taken aback. My dad and I didn't discuss my mother, ever. It was a silent agreement between the two of us. He hated her for being a lying, cheating, manipulative bitch. I hated her for… well for making eighteen years of my life a living hell. So for him to call me, in the middle of the day, to talk about her… it was unnerving.

"What about her?"

My dad sighed into the phone, and I could hear the whiskers from his mustache rubbing against the mouthpiece. "Bella, she died. She's… gone, honey."

"Oh." I had no idea what else to say.

"The cancer, she just couldn't fight it off. At least that's what Carlisle said when he called me."

"Yeah…" I stared at the file folders that were spread out against my desk, trying to figure out what I was supposed to say or do. Other than my Nana passing away when I was seven, I'd never had someone close to me die. And I wasn't exactly close to my mother; I hadn't talked to her since I was twenty years old. "Well, I'm… I'm glad you called to tell me yourself."

"You just workout whatever plans you need and let me know, Sue and I will meet you in Seattle to bring you home."

"Home?" I asked, slightly alarmed. It was then that I noticed Jake had moved from the chair to standing right next to me. He mouthed _are you okay? _And _what happened?_ I waved a hand at him, telling him to go away, before turning my back. "Dad, I can't…"

"I know you don't want to. But you are going to have to come home and take care of some things."

"Why me?" I asked. "It isn't like she ever loved me. Honestly, I doubt she would even want me there. She hated me, dad."

He sighed again before answering me. "You are her only surviving family, Bella."

I wanted to mention that if you counted all of her ex-husbands then I wouldn't be, but that comment could also be considered an insult towards my father, and I couldn't, wouldn't, ever do that.

"Come home, baby. It's time."

Closing my eyes, I reluctantly agreed and promised him that as soon as I knew my flight schedule that I'd let him know. He hung up, and I just let the receiver I was holding fall to the floor.

This couldn't be happening. After all this time, and after all the promises I'd made to myself that I wouldn't, I was going back to Forks. I stared out at the Phoenix skyline through my window, and slowly shook my head.

"Are you alright?"

I'd completely forgotten that Jake was even in the same room. I took a deep breath to steel my resolve and then turned around to face him. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Bella, talk to me."

Dodging his hand that was reaching for my shoulder, I grabbed the framed picture that sat on my desk, one of me with my dad and Sue, and shoved it into my briefcase. He watched, silently, as I pulled my keys to the office out of my purse and tossed them onto my desk and, after I'd slung my purse over my shoulder, asked me where I was going.

I yanked my University of Washington diploma off the wall, along with my Arizona and Washington State Bar certifications, and then headed towards the door.

As I walked away, I heard Jake ask me again, where I was going, this time he was louder. I stopped, next to Courtney's desk and turned to look at him. "I'm going home."

xXxXxXx

Eight hundred dollars on roundtrip airfare later, I was exhausted, annoyed, and extremely anxious while standing in line at the rental car counter. It had been six years since I'd left, because of my mother, and now here I was, back in Seattle, because of her. The irony wasn't humorous at all.

While the attendant moved at a snail's pace with the customers in front of me, I watched through the windows as people got in and out of cabs waiting by the curb of the airport. Past them, if you looked at the horizon beyond the buildings and parking garages, you could see vividly green trees and mountains. They both seemed so alien and foreign, which was strange considering I'd grown up surrounded by the exact same scenery.

"Bella!"

My name being yelled scared the absolute crap out of me, and on instinct, I'd accidently grabbed on to the man standing in front of me. Once I realized that the person calling for me was my father, I apologized, profusely, and then moved out of line, pulling my suitcase behind me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, once I'd reached him. "I thought I was going to get a rental and meet you at the house."

"Rental cars are for tourists." He laughed, once I'd reached him, and pulled me into an enormous hug before swaying both of us side to side. "There she is! My baby's come home!"

My father wasn't always an affectionate man. Growing up, he'd made it a point to make sure that I knew he loved me, but physical affection was few and far between. It wasn't until he and Sue had come to visit me in Phoenix that I'd really been showered with affection. Now, any time he saw me, I was given hugs, kisses on top of the head, and pats on the back, even hand holding once in a while. When I'd asked him about it he said it was because he'd missed me, but I still believe it was all Sue's influence. She was the best thing to ever happen to my dad.

"Now now, Charlie."

Looking over my father's shoulder, I smiled when I saw Sue standing there grinning at both of us.

"Let me get a hug in before you squeeze her to death!"

I was passed off, willingly, and enveloped into the closest thing to a motherly embrace that I'd ever had. "I'm sorry, Bella. I know this can't be easy."

Nodding, I hugged her tighter, knowing she wasn't necessarily talking about my mom, but also the fact that I was on my way back to Forks. "Is Dad alright?" I whispered, making sure he couldn't hear me.

She squeezed me one more time before nodding. "You being here makes it easier."

My dad loved Sue, whole heartedly, but my mother had been his _first_ love. He'd had a crush on her since third grade and the summer that she'd come home from her first year in college, he'd managed to talk her into a date. And then, for a glorious three months, they'd been inseparable until she'd gone back to Portland and he'd gone back to his part time job at the lumberyard. And to my grandparent's relief, that was that. That is, until she'd found out she was pregnant with me. Dad saw it as his dreams coming true, my mother saw it as being trapped in a life she never wanted. And I was reminded of that every day that I lived with, or saw my mother. But, regardless of the hurt, the affairs, and the lies, my dad still loved her. And he always would.

"How was your flight? Did you hit any turbulence?"

I tried to take my suitcase back from my dad, but failed. "It was alright, got stuck next to a Chatty Kathy that wanted to know my whole life story, which was fun."

Sue laughed before taking my hand and the three of us walked out of the terminal. Maybe coming home wasn't as bad as I had originally thought. Although, seeing my dad and Sue wasn't what worried me.

It was seeing everyone else that scared the absolute shit out of me.

Especially… him.


	2. Welcome Home

**Not mine.**

**Bella**

Forks-freaking-Washington, population three thousand and something, looked exactly as it did when I left it six years ago. The paint was still chipped on the "Welcome to Forks!" sign, the gas station on the corner of Maine Street and Elm still boasted about having the cheapest cigarettes, and all of it was too damn familiar.

"Looks different, huh?"

From the front seat, my dad was grinning. I didn't have the heart to argue with him about the fact that it was all the same to me, so I just agreed.

"The Butlers, you know, the owners of the A&P, they just had another grandchild!" Sue beamed from the seat next to Dad's. She kept updating me on all the news I'd missed since being gone, like how Mrs. Wilson, the town librarian, now had a _"gentleman friend"_. And _wasn't that just lovely? Because she's been alone for so long, since Old Man Wilson had passed back in the eighties._

I just nodded my head.

When we reached the fourth stoplight, I pointedly refrained from looking to my left. It was stupid of me, I know, because from here you couldn't even see the Cullen's house. But still, I'd traveled down that road more times than I'd ever be able to remember. Even before I was old enough to drive, I'd known the route to that house from my mother's. I'd walked it, ridden my bicycle, and probably would have hitchhiked if I'd had to.

"Esme just finished refurbishing the old mayor's house to its original condition. _Seattle Architecture_ did a big story on it."

Again, I nodded at Sue's comment, but I couldn't open my mouth to say anything in return. The car became quiet; my father looked in the review mirror to check on me, and then drove through the intersection as soon as the light turned green.

For the rest of the drive through town, all three minutes of it, I tried to convince myself that freaking out was absolutely unacceptable. People were not going to be lined up in the street, waiting for me, not even Edward or his family. There would be plenty of time for me to have an emotional meltdown later, when I actually had to deal with seeing everyone, but right now, it was pointless.

Or so I thought.

When my father turned onto his street, my heart tried to crawl up my throat, along with the contents of my stomach.

Two cars were parked out in front of their house. One belonged to Leah, I could tell by the obscene stickers that were plastered all over the back window, and the other could only belong to one person.

"Swear to God, Bella. I didn't tell him we were picking you up today."

I swallowed, compulsively, and tried to breathe around the lump of fear that sat in my throat.

Emmett must have heard us pull into the driveway, because before my dad could even finish getting out of the car, he was racing down the front steps and barreling towards us. His arms were held out and a huge smile was on his face.

I was sat there, shocked.

"Come on now, Bella! Don't make me drag you out of the car to give you a hug! You know I will!"

I did know that, but before I could even finish opening the door, Emmett had hauled me out of the car.

"Sister-friend!" He bellowed. His hug was tight and lifted me off the ground.

"You do realize that our parents were only married for like… five minutes, Emmett," I laughed, hugging him back.

"Eighteen months actually, and I don't give a shit. You will forever be my step-sister and nothing is changing that." He sat me down, leaving his hands resting on my shoulders, and grinned. "Welcome back."

I nodded before slowly stepping backwards out of his grip. "Don't get too excited Emmett. I'm not here to stay."

"Yeah, yeah."

As I reached back into the car to grab my purse and jacket, I missed Rosalie sauntering down the front steps. When I stood back up, she was standing there with her hands on her hips, glaring at me with all of the anger I'd been hoping to avoid for at least another twenty-four hours.

"Hi, Rosalie."

She sighed before crossing her arms across her chest. "Does Alice know you're here?"

I shook my head.

"Does _he_?"

"Let me help you with the luggage, Charlie!" Emmett found the first excuse he could to escape what was about to happen, and I didn't blame him.

My dad gave me a worried look before I waved him away, telling him I'd be inside in a few minutes. He reluctantly walked up the sidewalk, leaving me alone with Rosalie, but stopped before going inside the house.

"I had to break up a fight between the two of you on this lawn once before, don't make me have to do it again."

The front door shut behind him, and two seconds later, Rosalie was asking me all the questions she'd been holding in for the past six years.

"Where the _hell_ have you been? Do you have any idea how hurt all of us were? You just left, Bella! You left without telling anyone and… How could you _do_ that? Do you know what all you've missed? Birthdays! Weddings! Mine and Alice's!"

A part of me was thankful Edward's name wasn't listed with theirs, but I quickly nipped that in the bud. Instead, I hitched my purse further up on my shoulder and took a deep breath.

"Rosalie, in _one_ day I've been fired, broke up with my boyfriend, found out my mother died, and made the long-_drawn out_- flight to Seattle. On the list of things I need to be dealing with right now, your anger isn't in the top ten."

Her mouth fell open.

"You have every right to be upset, I'm not saying you don't, but confronting me out here on the sidewalk is a little inappropriate. Now, if you want to come inside, you're more than welcome to, _if _you can control your anger. If not, then get the hell off my dad's property and go fuck yourself."

I left her standing out on the sidewalk and was given a fist bump from Emmett as soon as I walked through the door.

"She deserved it," I said, defending myself.

He just smiled. "She's deserved it since sixth grade."

xXxXxXx

An hour later, Rosalie was still pouting, but sitting at the kitchen table with the rest of us while Sue made dinner. I was brought up to speed on all things regarding Emmett and Rosalie's life, unless it involved Edward. That subject was dutifully avoided.

Then, from behind me, I heard my name practically being hissed. I turned around to find Leah leaning against the door frame, looking like a gothic-punk-reject. Really, a woman our age should not be dressed like that. Or living at home with her mother and stepfather.

"Look who fucking graced us with her presence!"

Sue slapped her hand down onto the counter. "Leah Michelle Clearwater! I do not tolerate that language in this house!"

She ignored Sue, and lazily strolled into the kitchen. "How long are you here for?"

"I… don't really know. A week at the most probably."

She nodded before yanking the refrigerator open and taking one of my dad's beers. I watched as he opened his mouth to say something to her, but just a quickly, he changed his mind.

After popping the tab, she took a long drink and then pointed at me. "Don't even think that we are sharing a room. It isn't my fault that they turned your old bedroom into a sewing… craft… whatever the hell it is."

"Uh, okay." I said, awkwardly. "I was planning on getting a hotel room."

"Even better."

Leah walked out of the kitchen without saying anything else, and while Emmett tried to clear the psychotic raging energy from the air with one of his amusing antidotes, I wondered what the hell else what could happen today.

I'm an idiot.

The phone started ringing, and after my dad answered it, I knew that it was going to be a call for me, a call that I wouldn't want to take.

"Well, yeah, but she just got here." He gave me a quick look before focusing, intently, on the counter's grout work. "I don't know about that. It can't be someone else? I can't come do it?"

At this point everyone was listening to his conversation.

"Well, alright. I'll… I'll tell her. Yup. Okay. Bye."

I didn't wait for him to hang up the phone before asking, "Who was that?"

"They need you to go by the hospital and sign some things since… well… you're Renee's only family."

I wanted to refuse. I wanted to rewind this whole damn day and just call in sick to work and stay in Phoenix. But, that wasn't an option. And I couldn't act like a child.

"I'll need to borrow someone's car." As I stood up, Emmett, Sue, and my dad all volunteered to take me to the hospital. "Actually, I think… I would really just prefer to go by myself."

This whole ordeal was going to end up being uncomfortable for everyone, but if I was going to have a nervous breakdown, I would prefer for it not to be in front of my family or used-to-be friends.

Sue gave me the keys to her SUV, and I left the house in such a hurry that I forgot to ask who it was that I was supposed to talk to. But the Forks' hospital was tiny, and there was only one Renee Higginbotham-Swan-Anderson-McCarty-Franklin-Dwyer-Miller-Dwyer again (I'd stopped counting after that), and I was pretty sure that entire population knew of her death.

Before I walked through the front doors of Forks' Memorial, I took a few seconds to get myself focused. I rolled my shoulders back, trying to relieve the tension built up in my neck, and popped my knuckles one by one.

I could do this. I had to. Despite all of the promises I'd made to myself, that I would never come back here, part of me always knew I would have to. And if I was going to have to deal with this, deal with seeing everyone, then I would make damn sure that they didn't see me as the same cowering, stupid girl that I'd been my whole life. I'd gotten out of here; I'd made something of myself, and fuck anyone that didn't like it.

I took a deep breath, straightened my hair, and marched into that hospital with my head held high. A full minute hadn't passed before I was recognized by someone and after accepting their sympathy (which I didn't buy, no one in this town liked my mother), I made my way down to the basement. What I saw when I got off the elevator ruined my resolve.

"Bella."

The sight of Carlisle Cullen made my knees weak and my stomach roll. It'd been so long since I'd seen him that I'd forgotten how much Edward looked like his dad. The Cullen eyes, their cheek bones, their hands… I wobbled on my heels for a second, tried to take a step forward, and ended up falling back against the elevator doors.

"Easy, easy." Carlisle came forward to help, holding on to the tops of my arms, and then eventually enveloped me in a hug. "It's okay, Bella."

I nodded against his shoulder, wondering how I'd gone from being a hoity bitch, to a crying mess in a matter of seconds.

"I…" My voice came out sounding like a scratched record. So I swallowed and tried again. "I'm sorry, Carlisle."

Honestly, I had no idea what I was apologizing for. Was it for nearly falling over at the sight of him? Or was it because I'd gotten mascara on his pristine, white, coat?

Carefully, Carlisle held me at arm's length and smiled. "It's alright, Bella."

The way he was looking at me… answered those questions. And I hated it.

Without realizing it, I was apologizing for breaking his son's heart and that made me ridiculously aware of how helpless I probably looked.

"Dad…" Again, my voice sounded wrong. So I tried again while wiping away the tears that were stuck to my cheeks. "Dad said I needed to come sign some paperwork or something?"

He lead me to the counter that he'd been leaning against when I got off the elevator and then slid a stack of paper in front of me. "We released the body to Ellis Funeral Home since it was what she'd requested beforehand."

I nodded and quickly signed my name even though the lawyer in me was freaking out for not reading through any of it.

"There was some time to… prepare for this so, that should make it easier for you. I know that Jasper had just finished redoing her will, so-"

I stopped signing and looked up at him. "Jasper? Whitlock?"

Carlisle nodded before reaching behind the counter and grabbing a small box from the desk. "He's taken over most of your mother's legal work since Jason Jenks retired a few years back."

Not really sure how to feel about the fact that one of my closest friends, well, used to be friends, had been helping my mother with her affairs, I just continued signing my name. Not even stopping when the box Carlisle had grabbed was sat down next to me.

"Are those her personal things?"

He nodded. "Her purse, wallet, keys, cell phone… the clothes she'd had up here."

Once I finished signing, I carefully handed the stack back to him. As he looked them over, I opened the box, ignored the painfully familiar smell of my mother, and dug out the keys, wallet, purse, phone and jewelry. Everything else, I dropped into the trashcan next to us.

"Is that it?" I asked.

Carlisle gave me another sad look before nodding his head, but before I could walk away, his hand carefully grabbed my arm. "I've known you since you were three years old, Bella."

My jaws tighten and I focused on a spot on the wall over his right shoulder.

"I know that what you're feeling right now, what you're dealing with, it can't be easy. But I hope…" He sighed before continuing. "I would really like the chance to sit and talk with you before you leave again. If you… well, if you have time."

I didn't promise him anything; instead I muttered something that sounded like an "okay" before stumbling back to the elevator and punching the button to take me back upstairs.

He watched me, silently, but before the doors could shut all the way, Carlisle said, "Take the back exit, Bella."

I nodded, even though I had no idea what he would tell me that. If I took the back exit, I would have walk all the way around the hospital to get back to the parking lot. It didn't make sense.

Still confused, when the metal doors opened up into the lobby, I shook off his advice and follow the same steps I'd made coming in. People stopped me, again offering their condolences, but I hurriedly thanked them and kept going.

It was like I couldn't get out of that place fast enough. My heels were slipping out of the back of my shoes because I was walking so fast, but when I turned the corner that lead to the main entrance of the hospital, I came to a complete standstill. My purse fell off one shoulder, my mother's off the other, and my breath came out in one sharp gasp.

Standing directly in front of the doors, as if he'd been waiting for me, was Edward.

He didn't move.

Neither did I.

His eyes bore into mine, making a mass of anxiety squirm in my stomach, but still I couldn't do anything but stand there.

I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to mentally take inventory of his body, of his features, of… him. But I couldn't make myself look away.

Edward took a slow step towards me, but still, I stayed where I was.

It had been six years since I'd seen him, six years of… hating what he'd done. Six years of wanting so much to know why he'd broken his promise, why he'd basically driven me to the point that I had to leave. God, did he even know that most of this was his fault? Six year of moving on, of forgetting, and yet the anger was still this strong?

Another step and then another, and finally, I moved. One step backwards.

"Bella."

Edward's voice, saying my name… it was too much. All of this was too much. I slowly shook my head and took another step backwards.

"Bella, don't."

But he didn't understand and he never would. So I ran until I couldn't run anymore, and once I'd gotten back into Sue's car, I drove as fast as I could, putting as much distance as I could, between me and Edward Cullen.

He had to have known that his decision would push me to the breaking point! He should have known that breaking that promise would ruin us! But he didn't!

I drove through town, remembering it all so clearly. Every detail.

He smelled like summer and freedom that night that he'd held me against his chest and promised me that the nightmare was over. Lying in the back of his truck, the night before we left for college, in our spot so far out into the woods behind their house that no one would ever find us, he'd promised me that once we left Forks that we'd never come back.

"I promise, Bella," he'd whispered into the darkness. "We'll leave tomorrow for Seattle and you'll never have to come back here."

And I'd believed him.

We'd finished school, gotten engaged, had an apartment together… everything was perfect. Until he'd come home with an envelope in his hand. An envelope that held a job offer to head up some community outreach program in Forks.

"I want to do this."

That was all he'd said before putting the envelope on the table in front of me. And that was all it had taken to break my heart.

I'd refused to go back to Forks and live the same life I'd endured for so many years. I didn't want to be around her. I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to be reminded that I was Renee's Higginbotham's daughter!

Shaking my head at the memory, I realized that without meaning to, I'd driven to my mother's house. With fresh tears still falling down my cheeks, I stared at the wrap around porch and the dark stained glass of the house I'd grown up in.

The Higginbotham House, known as the "Jewel of Forks" had been built by my great-great grandfather when he'd moved from Louisiana to Forks in the early Twenties. He'd made millions from the lumber mill and wanted to bring a piece of the good old South to Washington, and to this day, the house was famous for its classically southern architecture.

I fucking hated it, but curiosity got the better of me and before I knew what I was doing, I was opening the front door and staring into the empty house that had always felt like a prison to me.

"You can't hurt me anymore," I said to no one, and took a determined step into the darkness.


	3. Blind Sided

**Not mine.**

**Bella**

Still standing in the open doorway, I let my hand slide along the wall until I felt the light switch. Once I'd turned them on, I automatically wished I hadn't.

The house looked exactly as I'd remembered. The oak floors gleamed under the chandelier light, the furniture looked pristine and unused, and scattered all over the living room were antique vases, priceless artwork, and stupid porcelain figurines. This place was like a museum… not a home where a child should have been raised.

In the back of my mind I could hear my mother's voice yelling at me for not taking my shoes off outside, scolding me for being anywhere in the house other than my bedroom or the kitchen. How dare I ask her for help with my homework? What a horrible child I was for asking if I could sleep in her bed when I'd had a nightmare.

Just to be spiteful, I reached for an antique vase that sat on the console table by the door, and threw it down onto the floor.

"Isabella Swan!" I yelled, mocking the sound of my mother scolding me. "Why couldn't my mother just let me get rid of you?"

Slamming the front door shut behind me, I left the shattered pieces of glass where they were and headed for the formal dining room. As expected, a full wet bar sat in the corner, crystal decanters and all.

"At least you were good for one thing, Mom. You never skimped on the booze." I chose the scotch, found a glass, and poured myself a drink. After gulping it down, I repeated that processes another three times before grabbing the decanter and slowly walking back into the living room.

"Look at all of this shit."

Taking smaller sips this time, I looked around the room. Collectables or not, valuable or not, the fact was that it was going to take forever to go through every inch of this stuff. And the house alone wasn't the only thing part of the estate that was going to have to be dealt with.

I refilled my glass before walking over to the bookshelves that lined the entire Eastern wall of the living room. Books and other knickknack shit sat on every single self, when I opened one of the bottom cabinets and saw even more, I quickly slammed the door shut with my foot and headed for the stairs.

On the second floor I found the door to my mother's bedroom shut, which was not unusual, but I forcefully pushed it open, letting it hit the wall. I'd never been allowed in her bedroom and as a child the curiosity of it had nearly killed me. But now, when I had the opportunity to go in, I didn't want to. Her smell, her memory… It was too much. So I walked away, leaving the door open, and moved down the hall to my old bedroom.

Unlike the rest of the house, I hadn't expected my bedroom to look the same. So when I opened the door and found it exactly as it had been the last time I was here, it shocked me. White eyelet lace, dark cherry wood furniture, and sickening pink curtains stared back at me. It was a room fit for a princess. Too bad it had been far from a fairytale.

I sat the decanter on the vanity, after refilling my glass again, and then took a slow turn around the room. Unlike the kids I'd grown up with, I wasn't ever allowed to have posters on my walls or anything personal sitting out. Like everything else in this house, it was for show. If someone had stopped by wanting a tour of the house, my mother wanted everything to be perfect. She didn't want people looking at the house and see that someone actually lived there. She wanted people to look at it and see a trophy.

After finishing my drink, I sat the empty glass on the bed and then went to the closet. When I opened the doors, for the first time since I'd walked into the house, I smiled.

There might not have been anything in the bedroom, or the rest of the house, that belonged to me, but the closet did. I walked in, running my hands over the few pieces of clothing that I hadn't taken with me when I'd moved to Seattle. Most were dresses and skirts that I'd never worn to begin with, but when my fingers traced over the black fabric of my favorite concert t-shirt, I carefully took it off its wooden hanger.

"How the hell did this get left here?"

Tentatively, I brought the shirt up to my nose and took a deep breath of the worn fabric. As expected, a faint smell of Edward's cologne still lingered in the cotton.

Nostalgia twisted in my stomach and even though I knew I should have dropped the shirt and walked away, I didn't. Instead, I slowly unbuttoned the shirt I'd been wearing and let it fall from my shoulders and onto the floor before I put on the _Nine Inch Nails_ t-shirt. Like it had been years before, it was entirely too big but in the perfect sort of way.

I held the fabric back up to my nose one more time before kneeling down to pick up my discarded shirt. Once I was down on the floor, I noticed a small shoebox sitting among the rest of the things I hadn't taken with me when I left for college.

Since I was already taking a painful trip down memory lane, what would another pit stop hurt? So I got the box, tossed it onto the bed, fixed myself another drink, and then settled back against the headboard.

It took a few seconds for me to build up the courage, but after a deep breath, and another sip, I flipped the lid back off of the box.

The letters, pictures, and other memorabilia that sat there, waiting to be rediscovered, scared the shit out of me. But, I pulled out a handful of items anyway and dove, headfirst, back into my past.

xXxXxXx

A loud banging noise, following by a consistent ringing, made me sit straight up in bed. Automatically, I wish I hadn't.

"Holy… God."

I wearily looked around my childhood bedroom, trying to remember what had happened last night. As soon as my eyes landed on an empty decanter and the damn Pandora's Box that I'd opened, I groaned and closed my eyes again.

But whoever was banging on the door didn't care that I was extremely hung over, emotionally and physically, so I sluggishly crawled off of the bed and made my way downstairs.

"What?" I asked, yanking the front door open.

Standing there, loaded down with paper bags from the A&P, stood Alice Cullen.

"Good morning!" She smiled, leaned in to give me a kiss on my cheek, and then quickly made her way past me, through the dining room and into the kitchen. I followed after her, hurrying to keep up. "I stopped by Charlie's and he said you were here. I knew there weren't any groceries so… I figured I'd get you a few things. How about some coffee?

"Alice… what…"

"Are you hungry? I could make you something for breakfast."

I shook my head while sitting down at the small table I'd always eaten breakfast at as a child. "No. I'm… I'm not really hungry."

"Just the coffee then."

Watching as she fluttered around the kitchen made me both anxious and nauseous. The niceness from Emmett was one thing, like he'd said, we were step-brother and sister and that had changed our friendship, but Alice acting like this was totally different. It made me uneasy. Alice had more of a right to be angry than almost anyone else; I'd abandoned our friendship, and her.

She slid a coffee mug in front of me, before sitting down. "So, how has Arizona been?"

I frowned before asking, "How did you know that I was in Arizona?"

A slight blush covered Alice's face and she intently focused on the handle of her mug while answering me. "After… When you'd been gone a while… I…" She finally looked up at me. "Charlie made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone, and I didn't. Not even when Edward… Please don't be mad at me, Bella."

I slowly reached across the table and put my hand over one of hers. I squeezed it before shaking my head. "I have no reason to be mad at you, Alice. And really, I should be the one begging you for forgiveness."

"Oh, please!" She waved her free hand at me. "I am the last person that has any right to judge anyone for just up and leaving. Do you not remember me going crazy our freshman year in Seattle?"

She shook her head before taking a drink from her mug. "Besides, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have Jasper and we wouldn't have the twins-"

"Twins?" I asked, surprised.

Alice beamed. "Peter and Charlotte; they'll be four in December."

"You're a…. mom."

I wasn't a fan of stating the obvious, but it just seemed strange. I'd missed so much by being gone, and if I was honest with myself, a small part of me thought that life might have stood still for them without me. That if, or when, I came back to Forks things would exactly as they always had been. What a stupid, selfish way to think. Of course people would move on. They all have lives of their own and that has absolutely nothing to do with me anymore.

Alice squeezed my hand, bringing back to our conversation. "Are you alright?"

I hadn't realized I'd started to cry, but when I felt the tears tickling my cheeks, I roughly wiped them away. "Yeah, I'm fine, just… overwhelmed."

She gave me a kind smile. "I know. That's why I wanted to come see you before… everything else. I wanted you to know that I'm here if you need me."

Nodding, I wiped away the tears that were still falling. Alice moved her chair closer to mine and carefully wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "It will be okay, Bella."

Turning, I hugged her back. I didn't let go after the standard two to three seconds, instead I squeezed her tighter before whispering, "I missed you so much, Alice."

"I missed you, too. It wasn't easy…"

Leaning back, I made sure she saw how serious I was. "I shouldn't have left without saying goodbye to you, I know that. And I'm sorry, but I just… the idea of you being put in the middle of whatever happened between me and Edward, I couldn't do that."

"I know. And I hope that you remember that when all of this plays out while you're here. Edward is my brother, my twin, but you are the only best friend I've ever had." She pushed a piece of my hair off my cheek and smiled. "Don't make me choose between you."

"I promise."

She hugged me again before laughing. "Now, I don't even want to know what happened here last night, but I'm supposed to tell you that you need to be at Jasper's office in an hour and a half. I've got your luggage in my car and while you get ready, I'll pick up the pieces of whatever you shattered in the living room."

Smiling, I slowly got up from the table. But as I was heading back to the stairs, Alice called my name.

"Coffee, Bella. Lots and lots of coffee. That's the only way you'll make it through this."

I took the mug she offered me, and felt lighter, better, as I made my way back upstairs, thankful that some things hadn't changed at all.

xXxXxXx

I met Jasper Whitlock my first year of law school and the second that Alice met him, she was head over heels in love. We'd all been a little relieved when they'd started dating because Jasper had a very calming affect over her. She'd twisted off our freshman year, disappearing for weeks at a time, and it wasn't until Jasper came along that I stopped worrying that I'd wake up and find out that she'd disappeared again. So for that, and that fact that he was an amazing study partner, I will forever be grateful for Jasper Whitlock.

When his office door opened, I awkward stood up, not knowing if he would angry or happy to see me. But when an easy smile covered his face, and his arms opened for a hug, I relaxed.

"Bella Swan!" Once in his arms, he lifted me off the ground with his hug.

"How are you, Jasper?"

He squeezed me for a second before putting me back down. "I'm glad you're back, that's how I am!"

Guilt squirmed around in my stomach but I ignored it. "Well, it seems you've been handling things alright. Alice is incredibly happy and taken care of, not to mention that fact that you are the father of twins!" I playfully poked his side. "Congratulations."

He smiled before ushering me into his office. After the door was shut, he shrugged out of his suit jacket and motioned for me to sit down. "Thanks, by the way."

"For what?"

He moved to sit behind his desk before answering me. "For seeing Alice this morning. She was scared to death that you'd slam the door in her face."

"No," I shook my head. "Alice is the one that should be angry with me."

Jasper nodded, looking down at his desk. I thought that I saw a weird look crossed his face, but just as suddenly, the smile was back. "Well, we've got a lot we need to go over."

I sighed and moved my chair closer to the desk. "Yeah, I figured we would."

If there was anything good about this situation, it was that we didn't have to spend a lot of time going over what everything meant. Being a family attorney, I was familiar with pretty much everything, and that allowed us to get straight to business. That and, for what it was worth, my mother had taken care of everything beforehand. The funeral, down to the last detail was arranged, all I had to do was take the clothes she'd picked to the funeral home; a pink Chanel suit, how appropriate.

Jasper opened a folder and turned it so I could read what he was talking about. "Basically, right after your mother was diagnosed she split up the estate, half personal and half business."

Business? My mother hadn't worked a day in her life.

The look on my face must have been transparent because Jasper started explaining. "A while back your mother started a non-profit-"

Before I could stop myself, I started laughing obnoxiously. "Excuse me? My mother didn't have a charitable bone in her body, but you're saying she ran a non-profit organization?"

"She didn't 'run' it personally, but yes. She founded and funded an organization that helps children and elderly citizens in our community."

I stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out what the hell he was telling me. There was no way that my mother, a woman who'd spent the better part of eighteen years making sure that her only child knew how much she hated her, had started a company that benefited children in the area? Not to mention the fact that she'd shoved her mother into a nursing home at the first opportunity.

"Bella? Are you alright?"

I blinked for a second before asking, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Jasper leaned back in his chair, obviously not surprised by my reaction.

"She hated children."

"Bella, I-"

I stood up and shook my head. "Jasper, she hated children. I was never allowed to have friends over, hell I wasn't even allowed to play! Unless it was something Esme or my dad did, I never even had a birthday party!"

He held up his hands, silently telling me to calm down. "I think you need to come to terms with the fact that your mother changed a lot while you were gone. She wasn't the same woman that-"

"No one can change that much."

The same strange look crossed his face before he motioned for me to sit down. "I didn't ask you to come here with the intentions of upsetting you, but you have got to prepare yourself for the fact that people in this community, most of them anyway, do not see your mother as you remember her. Several families around here owe a great deal to her charity."

Reluctantly, I sat back down and tried to understand how any of this was possible. How someone so mean and cruel to her own child could turn around and offer love and compassion to people she didn't even know.

"How did I not know about this? My… father would have told me."

"In the beginning, people didn't know who founded it. They knew who ran it, who worked at it, but they didn't know Renee had anything to do with it. Really, it wasn't until the last year or so that she came forward. Your father, since retiring and, really since he married Sue, has been more involved in the reservation than anything here. There is a good possibility that he didn't even know."

I sighed before shaking my head.

"Do you want to continue?"

When I nodded, he slowly picked up where we'd left off. "As I was saying, your mother was very specific about how she wanted _Hope House _dealt with after she was gone."

I shook my head at the ridiculousness of the name. "And what does that entail?"

"The foundation's estate is to be executed by the two people with the most controlling interest in it. As Renee's daughter you automatically took over her roll, the second…"

His hesitation made me nervous for some reason.

"The second is the person that controls the day to day operations of the foundation itself."

"Okay. And? Most non-profits operate that way."

"Bella, you… I'm not sure how to tell you this without causing some sort of upset."

Dread immediately filled every inch of my body. "What?"

There was a knock on the door, and before I even had a chance to register what was happening, Jasper was standing up and welcoming Edward into his office. I couldn't do anything more than sit there, frozen, wondering what the hell was going on.

"Am I… early?" Edward's voice broke in a weird way, but I was too busy holding on to the armrests of the chair to wonder why.

"I, uh… I was just about to tell her."

_Her_? Meaning me? "Tell me what?"

Edward closed the door and leaned back against it, his head looking down at the floor. "A warning would have been nice, Jasper. I would have come by later."

"Tell me what!" I yelled at both of them.

"Bella, the other executor for Hope House is-"

"No!" Everything clicked into place and I violently shook my head. "Is this some sort of sick joke?"

"Jesus Christ," Edward pushed away from the door and threw himself down onto the couch across the room. Jasper however, carried on.

"Your mother-"

"Fuck my mother, Jasper!" I stood up, trying hard not let either of them see how bad my hands were shaking, and rounded on Edward. "So this was the job? This was the 'opportunity' you threw in my face?"

"I didn't know your mother was even involved until I'd been there for over two years, Bella."

I didn't believe a word he said so I looked back at Jasper. "There has got to be a loophole, some way for me to get out of this. Right?"

Edward laughed sarcastically. "Are you that self-righteous?"

Jasper stared at his desk while answering me. "The board can vote someone into your place, but Bella your mother really was-"

"Let me make this clear, to both of you," I glared at Edward. "I don't give a shit what my mother wanted! She hated me when she was alive and now, even when she's dead, she is still trying to make my life a living hell!" Turning to Jasper, I finished. "So you do whatever you have to, but I am not doing this!"

I threw the pen I'd been holding down onto the desk and reached for my purse. Edward's voice talking to me stopped me before I could open the door to leave.

"So you're running away again? Is that all you know how to do, Bella?"

I turned around to see that he'd moved away from the couch and was now standing entirely too close to me.

"Something difficult happens, something you're afraid to deal with, and you just leave! Fuck everyone else! Who cares who gets hurt as long as you end up with what you wanted?"

"Edward." Jasper's voice was a sharp command, telling him to stop, but the words were already out there.

"You think I'm a coward?" I asked him.

I didn't get a response, other than him turning his back to me. Maybe he was right, maybe I was a coward, but I refused to let him believe that he was faultless in how everything had ended.

"I did run away, Edward." I took a step closer to him, the anger in my stomach pushing me. "And I did hurt people, but you know what? It was all worth it because there is no way that I could ever be married to someone who made their living by working for _her_!"

Slowly, he turned to look at me, and I wanted to step away from him. The anger that covered his face made my breath hitch in my chest. I waited, and expected the worst, but all he did was look at me.

"Send whatever paperwork you have to my office. I'll call the board together for a vote on who should replace her." He spoke to Jasper, but never took his eyes off of me until the look of anger broke and was replaced with sincere indifference. Then he stepped around me and left Jasper's office without saying another word.

I stared at the spot on the floor he'd just vacated, completely blind to everything except what had just happened. It wasn't until I heard paper shuffling that I even remembered Jasper was in the room.

He carefully grabbed his suit jacket from the back of his chair before walking around the side of his desk. I watched him, as he walked past me and then turned to face him when he stopped at the closed door.

"I…" Jasper took a deep breath before looking at me over his shoulder. "I will never judge the choice you made when you left, Bella. But you've been gone for six years, and you have no idea who any of us are anymore. So please remember that the next time you feel the need to insult someone that _you_ hurt. That _you_ walked away from. That _you_ lied to."

He left without giving me a chance to say anything, which was fine, because I was completely at a loss for words.


	4. The First Piece

**Bella**

Hurt him. That was true.

Left him. That, also, was true.

Lied to him… No, I'd never lied to Edward, ever. But even if my braining was screaming that Jasper was number one, an asshole and number two, entirely wrong; all I could do was stand there and watch as he walked away from me. It was his secretary's voice, asking if he would be coming back after lunch, that snapped me out of it. Shaking my head, I ran after him.

"Jasper!" I yelled. "What are you talking about?"

He ignored me and kept walking. I followed, refusing to let this lie where it was. When I was close enough, I grabbed his sleeve and pulled him to a stop.

"Jasper!"

Turning, he finally answered me, yelling loudly. "Are you really that fucking stupid, Bella?"

I slapped him, hard, across the face. By the time I'd registered what I'd done, I wished I hadn't. His eyes, normally kind and calming, turned icy blue and bore down into mine. But after a second, they cleared and he moved around me.

"I didn't lie to Edward, ever!" I said to his retreating back. "I will take responsibility for hurting him, Alice… everyone… but I never lied to either one of them, Jasper!"

He stopped, dropped his briefcase and suit jacket onto the pavement of the parking lot, and then stalked his way back to me. I took a hesitant step backward but was stopped by the door leading back inside.

"No." He leaned over me, his voice menacing. "You didn't lie to Alice! You left here to harbor your fucking lies!"

I pushed at his chest, but it didn't do any good. "I didn't lie to him, Jasper!"

Finally, he took a step away, but continued to glare at me. "You didn't lie, Bella?" I shook my head but he didn't wait for my answer before continuing. "So all this time, Edward knew about the baby?"

The air in my lungs froze and it felt as if my heart had jumped up into my throat.

Nodding, smugly, he backed away. "That's what I thought."

I watched him walk back to his car, watched him leave the parking lot at an alarming speed, but after that… I only remember falling into a pathetic heap onto the concrete. It wasn't until his secretary asked if there was anyone she could call for me, that I even realized I was still sitting outside his office.

She gently tapped my shoulder, repeating her question for the fifth time.

I slowly looked up at her, and then shook my head. "No… I…. I'm fine."

"You're sure? It is no trouble at all."

When I didn't answer, she started to walk back inside. Before she could go all the way in, I stopped her. "Actually, can you… get me a phone number?"

"Of course, who do you need?"

I sighed before looking back out into the empty parking lot. "Edward Cullen."

Minutes later, while I was still sitting outside on the concrete, she handed me a sticky note that held Edward's work, cell and home numbers. I thanked her, even though I was sure she didn't hear me, and then made myself get up and walk back to Sue's car. Once inside, I turned the air conditioner on full blast and willed myself not to throw up.

This was a huge misunderstanding and not something I ever wanted to deal with again. But, even with all my anger towards Edward and his decisions, I couldn't let him, Alice, or anyone else think that I'd run away to Arizona and given a baby up for adoption, or worse, aborted one.

So, with shaking hands, I dialed the numbers to his cell phone and waited for it to connect. It rang three times before he answered.

"Hello?"

I couldn't move, breath, talk… I couldn't do anything but sit there and wonder what the hell I was supposed to say. How did I even begin to approach this topic?

"Hello?" He asked again, louder this time.

Closing my eyes, I said his name.

"Yes?"

The fact that he didn't recognize my voice made my chest tighten even more. "It's…" I took a deep breath and started over. "Edward, its Bella."

Silence.

More silence.

I was about to just hang up when he cleared his throat. "What do you want?"

I bit my bottom lip before saying, "We need to talk."

xXxXxXx

In my anxiety and overall exhaustion, it was surprising how productive I actually was while counting down the hours until seven o'clock.

I'd managed to overcome the issue of going into my mother's bedroom, and had delivered everything she'd asked for to the funeral home. I also sat through a seemingly endless meeting with the director of said funeral home, pouring over the details that my mother had made. And, for the past several hours, I'd been going through the huge amount of crap that was stored under the bookshelves in my mother's living room. Obsessively, I made piles of the silver and china service pieces by size, color, ugliness… anything that would keep me from staring at the clock.

With my arms full of silver serving trays, I nearly tripped over the rug when a knocking interrupted the silence that filled the house. I didn't give myself a chance to stop, think, or even breathe because I knew I'd never answer it if I had even a second to talk myself out of it. So with my arms loaded down, I clumsily opened the front door.

He stood there, still wearing his suit from this morning, his hands shoved into his pants pocket. His eyes were narrowed in glare, but not directed at me. They were focused on something past me.

Certain that if I didn't do something, my heart would break its way out of my chest; I opened my mouth and tried to speak normally. "Uh… "

He cocked an eyebrow, still not focusing on me.

I tried again. "Hi."

After a second, the tension in his eyes lessoned before the slowly looked down at my face. "Hi."

With absolutely no idea what to say or do next, I uncomfortably shifted my weight around.

"What are you doing?"

Surprised by his question, I looked up. "What?"

He nodded towards the stack of silver in my arms. "Are you pawning the Higginbotham silver?"

Shaking my head, I took a step back, giving him room to come inside if he wanted to. "No, I'm… well I have no idea what I'm doing. Or going to do. I just… this house is cram-packed with shit that I have to go through. I figured I'd better start now."

Still standing in the doorway, Edward watched me. "I wondered why you were staying in this house."

After sitting the stack of platters on one of the chairs, I shrugged. "I'd actually planned on getting a hotel room but…" I stopped talked and just watched him. He stood there, like he was waiting for someone to run through the house yelling at him, or worse, ready to beat the shit out of him. "Do you want to come inside?"

He gave it a second of thought before he slowly came inside and shut the door behind him. Slowly, and cautiously, he moved into the living room. His shoulders were tense and raised, his jaw set, it was literally like he was waiting to be ambushed by something.

"Do you want something to-"

Before I could finish my offer of a drink, he cut me off. "Don't do that, Bella."

"Do what?"

"Don't pretend to be all hospitable when I know you don't give a shit."

Two seconds in to this and we were already arguing. That was completely reassuring and really made me want to bring up the whole baby conversation. Maybe I could tell him that I'd also packed my engagement ring he'd given me and was ready to give it back to him, that was sure to put both of us in an even better mood.

"This was a mistake," I muttered, putting my hands on my hips. "You and I…"

Edward groaned before lacing his fingers together and placing them behind his neck. He took several deep breaths, all while staring at the ceiling, and then dropped his gaze to meet mine. "I… It isn't…" He rubbed his forehead and then continued. "I hate being in this house."

When I didn't say anything in response, he asked, "How can you stand to be in here?"

"She's gone, Edward."

He sighed and then leaned forward, letting his hands rest against the back of the couch. "I know but… I stand here and all I can think about is…"

His voice trailed off, but he really didn't have to continue. I understood what he meant.

"Can we go sit outside or something? I can't… I don't want to be in here."

"Okay," I said quietly, motioning to the backdoor.

His shoulders relaxed once he was outside, but there was still an air of hostility that radiated off of both of us. I sat down, watching as he took off his jacket and then loosened his tie. When he sat down across from me, I diverted my gaze to the sprawling back yard.

Several, long, silent minutes passed before he spoke. "Where have you been?"

Looking down at my lap, I answered him. "Phoenix."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him nod. "And what's in Phoenix, Bella? Husband? Two kids? A yellow lab named Skippy?"

I bit back an angry retort but held up my left hand, showing him my ring finger was not donning a wedding ring. Mocking me, he did the same. I hated that relief flooded my belly.

"So, no husband? What about the other?"

I shook my head, keeping my eyes down at my lap. "Edward."

"Jasper told me what happened today after I left, so we can cut through all of the pretense and bullshit. Tell me the fucking truth."

Still refusing to look at him, I tried to explain. "I didn't… do anything."

"You didn't _do_ anything? Really, Bella? Because from what I can remember, you left me! Then, months later mind you; I find out that you were pregnant! Now you show up without a baby, so that leaves one of two of opt-"

"There was no baby!" I finally yelled, interrupting him.

"What?" He asked, shaking his head. "Don't you dare sit there and lie to me! Not about this! Alice was with you when you took the fucking test!"

"Was she there when I miscarried, Edward? Were you?" I asked, angrily. "No! I dealt with it, all of it, on my own! I was…" I wiped at the tears on my face, hating that they were even there. "I was so… _happy_, Edward. I had you and I had… _our_ life and then you show up with that fucking envelope! And all I could think was that I couldn't raise a child anywhere near my mother! So I ran! I wanted to get as far away from her, from that, as I could! And if that makes me a horrible person then fine! But that baby was not going to call her Grandma!"

He watched, wide eyed, as I pushed away from the table and tried to just… fucking breathe! My head was spinning, my chest aching, and all I could do was pace in a small circle. My arms wrapped around my sides and a strange choking sound filled my ears, but still I kept moving.

"I left Seattle, knowing that that baby would always connect me to you! That was my tie to you, to this, but then…" I cried, loudly. "Then it was gone! Just… gone! And I lost everything! I didn't have it, I didn't have you, and… I couldn't come back, especially not after that!"

Edward had abandoned his chair and moved to stand in front of me, watching and listening, like he was scared that I'd completely lose my mind at any second.

I shook my head while turning away from him, trying to force all of it- the emotions, the memories- back into the small part of my heart I'd hid them in for so many years. But they wouldn't fit, not anymore. Now, they were bigger, real, and so very, very painful.

"You missed it here, I know you did. Your parents, Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett… they were all here and your heart was here! I could have said no, said that we could go anywhere but Forks, and you would have agreed and regretted it the rest of your life! But then I had that small little piece of you, a piece of _us_, and I thought that if… if I told you then your heart wouldn't be _here_ anymore! I thought you'd follow me, follow us, wherever and…"

For six, long, years I'd build a wall around my past and pretended that it hadn't ever happened. And somehow, in that time, the anger I'd had at myself morphed into anger towards Edward. I'd managed to blame him, for all of it, when in reality… I'd done it to myself. And I'd been so good and denying that for way too long.

Facing him again, and with a shaking hand, I gently placed my palm over his heart and closed my eyes. "I know you don't, won't, understand why… but, if you would have grown up here, with her, you would have run too, Edward. And I'm sorry, so very, very, sorry that I hurt you. But after, I couldn't come back. I couldn't face you and tell you that I'd lost your baby."

"Bella…"

I refused to listen to his apologetic voice, I didn't deserve that. "Don't Edward. I don't expect you to forgive what I did."

"I don't forgive you," he said quietly. "But, I can't let you… mourn… this by yourself. You shouldn't, especially not right now. And neither should I."

Laughing, humorlessly, I shook my head. "I've mourned this by myself for six years. I've walked through my life blaming other people for my cowardice. I justified it, telling myself it was self-preservation and the protective instinct of a pregnant woman… but that was a very small part of it. I left because I couldn't-_wouldn't_- raise a child anywhere near her. I stayed away because I was too scared to face you. I could have come back and fixed it. I could have called you and told you… I could have stayed…"

"And I should have seen it," he said, touching my hand. "I grew up watching your mother manipulate you… I should have known that asking you to come back…"

"But _you_ belong here."

It was quiet for a moment before he squeezed my fingers. "So do you."

I closed my eyes and pulled away from him. "No," I whispered. "There isn't one piece of me that belongs here. Not anymore."

**AN: I am sending each and every one of you hugs, love, and adoration tonight. Please keep G's family, friends, and loved ones in your thoughts and prayers!**

**In other news, I am donating an outtake for F4LL as well as for the money being raised to help with G's (mad4hugh) funeral expenses. Both outtakes will be different. If you're interested in donating, please see my twitter (_justforkit), I've posted links to both! Aside from outtakes for this story, I will also be donating a Groupie outtake as well as a Stalking one with LittleMissWhitlock!**


	5. Break

**Bella**

Despite the truth that I'd just dropped in Edward's lap, he didn't run away. He didn't scream or yell at me. He didn't do anything but sit at the patio table on my mother's back porch and stare at the nothingness in front of him. We didn't speak, we didn't move. He stayed where he was and I sat on the steps that lead back into the house.

As the minutes passed, the silence became exhausting. There were still so many questions, so much anger, regret, fear… Sure, we'd taken the first step in moving past _our_ past, but this was nowhere near over.

"Who else knows?" I asked, staring at my feet.

In a deep, low, voice he answered, "Jasper and Alice, obviously. My parents…"

Closing my eyes, I sighed. "God, your family probably hates me."

"No, they…" He didn't finish the sentence.

We slipped back into the silence from before. Night fell around us, a chill slipped into the summer air, and at least an hour passed before he spoke again.

"I'll tell them, Bella." He waited until I'd looked up at him before he continued. "I'll make sure they know the truth."

"Does knowing the truth make it easier?"

Slowly, he shrugged. "Maybe. It is way better than imagining what could have happened… like I've done the past six years."

"I… Edward, you can't possibly think I would have actually done anything like that. I couldn't have let it go… give it away… That baby was the only thing I had left of you."

With his jaw set, and his eyes avoiding mine, he spoke very carefully. "You left, Bella. Without an explanation, without a warning... you were just gone. You didn't even give me the option to go with you, or the chance to discuss the fucking job. You just left."

"I had no choice."

His head shook and his voice rose. "You could have _talked_ to me! I was right there!"

Could have. Should have. Did it even matter now? I'd made a mistake by leaving without talking to him, but he'd made an even bigger mistake contemplating the idea of making me go back to Forks.

We briefly looked at each other, then he went back to staring at the patio table and I went back to staring at my feet. It was only a few minutes before he stood up and grabbed his jacket.

Without saying anything, he stood on the step next to me and opened the back door. Before he could back inside though, I asked, "Would you have come? If I'd asked you to?"

"In a heartbeat."

"Without the baby?" I was quieter with this question.

"Yes."

I nodded once before moving over, giving him room to walk past me more comfortably.

Hind sight was twenty-twenty, wasn't it? Maybe he would have left with me. Maybe we would have gotten married and lived happily ever after. But here, now, all I knew was that he'd scared me to the point that I wanted to do was run as far away as I could. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he was wrong. Either way, it didn't matter now.

"For the record, I did look for you."

This time, I fully lifted my head to look up at him. "What?"

"I wasn't very good at it… your dad actually caught me looking in his mail box." He shook his head, frowning. "And then he told me I had to let it go, I had to let you go. No one knew where you were, but him, and he wouldn't tell anyone. So after a year… what choice did I have? I gave up, moved back here, and tried to get past… you."

Aside from the fact that he'd even tried to look for me, knowing he'd stayed in Seattle for a year after I'd left was surprising enough to make my stomach squirm uncomfortably.

"Charlie told me that the baby was gone… You were gone…" He looked down at me. "What was I supposed to do, Bella? You didn't want to be found, so I stopped looking."

I wanted to say something, anything, but I couldn't.

"I'm… incredibly sorry that I made you feel like moving thousands of miles away was the only way you could be safe… and happy. I'm sorry I wanted to go home. I'm sorry I stopped looking. I'm just… I'm sorry!"

Briskly, he wiped away the tears that were falling on his cheeks and spoke over me before I had a chance to say anything.

"No, Bella. No. Its… this was enough for one day. Alright? I can't… not anymore tonight."

Dumbly, I nodded my head, still trying to understand… everything. His apology, the fact that he'd even tried to find me… that he stayed in Seattle…

Edward left me staring at the spot where he'd been standing and made his way back through my mother's house. I heard the door shut firmly behind him, but even then, I stayed where I was. The night got darker, then lighter, and before I knew it birds were singing. And still, I sat there.

xXxXxXx

I went through the motions the next day, helping Sue tidy up the house for the "reception" my mother had planned tomorrow after her funeral. The idea of it annoyed me, and seemed extremely pretentious, but the obituary had already been published. And even if I did hate her, I couldn't tell the good people of Forks to fuck off when they showed up here expecting tuna casserole.

The morning of the funeral, I showered, got dressed, did my hair and makeup, all on autopilot. Detached and wondering, my mind kept thinking about the conversation I'd had with Edward. I picked though bits and pieces of it, trying to categorize and label my feelings, but it wasn't that simple. I was angry with him, Jasper, my mother… maybe even Alice. I was disappointed by the fact that he'd stopped looking, even though I hadn't wanted him to find me. That alone made me want to yell at myself. I wasn't that girl. I didn't play those games. I was the one who'd left. It was my choice not to contact any of them for six years. I was the one that had made my father swear he wouldn't tell him where I was. What right did I have to be upset by the fact that my plan had worked? I got what I wanted, didn't I? Three days ago, I was fine! I was happy! But then _this_ happened. And now… now I had no idea what anything meant.

"Bella?"

I gave my reflection another look before leaving the bathroom and answering my father's calls. "I'm ready."

He stood at the bottom of the stairs, wearing a decades too old suit, waiting for me.

"You alright?" He asked, for the fifth time.

I took the hand he was offering me and nodded. We both knew I was lying, but he just squeezed my fingers and walked me to his car that was waiting outside. I slid into the back seat, muttering a thank you at the compliment Sue gave me about my dress, and then kept my mouth shut the entire way to the church.

Once there, I nodded and thanked people for their condolences, all the while staying as close to my father's side as I possibly could. A few of my mother's ex-husbands milled around the church parlor, smiling when they saw me, but kept their distance; I was positive my Dad's glaring eyes had something to do with that.

When Edward, followed by the rest of this family, made their way inside, I decided I'd had enough of the meet and greet bullshit.

Sue nodded when I explained I needed to visit the restroom, and thankfully I made an escape without incident.

Or so I thought.

"Bella!" Emmett's loud whisper reverberated off of the tiled walls.

Opening the bathroom stall I was in, I was unsurprised to see his body sticking halfway in-halfway out of the bathroom. "Wrong door, Emmett."

He smiling, coming all the way inside. "I went before we left the house, like a good boy."

I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

"Just wanted to check on you, see how you were doing." He leaned against the vanity, crossing his arms across his chest. "Oh, and also, I wanted to know if it was true that you popped Jasper in the face yesterday."

I didn't need to verbally answer him; my facial expression said it all. "How did you even-"

Emmett clapped his hands together. "That is fucking awesome!"

"Hey!" I scolded, hitting his arm. "We are in a church!"

He crossed himself, even though I knew he wasn't catholic, and I rolled my eyes. "Em, it isn't 'awesome'. I shouldn't have done it and eventually I'll have to apologize to his inconsiderate as-"

"Language!" He interrupted my cussing. "Besides, apparently Edward already dealt with it. Jasper has the black eye to prove it."

"What?"

"Yup! Edward isn't talking to Jasper, Jasper isn't talking to Edward, and apparently Alice isn't speaking to either one of them."

Leaning back against the wall, I shook my head. "This was the last thing any of us needed right now."

"Maybe, maybe not." Emmett shrugged. "But forget them, Bella. In all seriousness, how are you? Need anything?" He kept talking, not giving me a chance to answer. "Dad said to tell you he was sorry he couldn't make it back for the funeral. But hey, I'm here! Representing the fam!"

Again, I smiled despite my efforts. And when he opened his arms, offering me a hug, I willing accepted it. Wrapped in his embrace, I held on to the back of his jacket.

"Gonna make it?" He asked, quieter now.

I nodded against his shoulder. "Eventually… maybe."

His hug got tighter.

"Bella?" Sue's voice startled me.

I tried to pull away from Emmett, but he tightened his hold.

"Um…" she looked down at the floor and said, "They're almost ready to seat the family."

Finally, I was let go and then given a small grin. "Just thought you could use the extra support today."

He was right, which was why I grabbed his hand and then looked at Sue. "Emmett's sitting with us."

She nodded; still looking scandalized at finding him in the women's restroom, and followed us back into the now empty church parlor.

"Why am I sitting with you?" Emmett asked me.

"Because none of my mother's other husbands had children. You suffered just as much as I did for the three seconds they were married."

He gave me a small chuckle and then nodded at something behind me. "And what about my wife?"

Reluctantly I shrugged. "If you must…"

He gave my arm a reassuring squeeze and then went to get Rosalie.

"Bells?" Turning, I found my dad waiting for me. "You ready?"

Seeing his red rimmed eyes, and a tissue wadded up in his hand, made the whole thing much worse than it had been minutes ago. I hated seeing him like this, especially because of her. He deserved so much more than this… than having his heart broken by a woman that never appreciated what an amazing man he really was.

"Are you alright?" I asked, taking his outstretched hand.

Gruffly, he cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah… I'm fine. You?"

I'd lied to every single person that had asked me that question, giving them the answer they wanted and not the truth. Now, looking up at my father's tear stained cheeks, I couldn't do it anymore.

"No," I shook my head. "I'm not."

Dad sighed, heavily, and then kissed the back of my hand. "Yeah, me either."

I hugged him, harder than I should have, but couldn't help it. With my face pressed against his shoulder, and his hand on the back of my head, I tried to tell him… everything. "Dad…"

"I know, baby. I know."

And just like that, I knew he did. He knew it all. I'd never been able to confide in my mother, never shared anything from my life with her, but with my father… it had always been completely different.

"You ready to do this?" He asked, rubbing my back.

I wasn't, so I shook my head no, but holding his hand; the two of us walked behind Emmett, Rosalie, and Sue down the church's aisle. I ignored the sympathetic stares and the sniffling women and concentrated instead on the feel of my father's hand. When we reached the front of the church, I followed Emmett into the pew, and sat sandwiched between him and my father.

The preacher, someone I didn't even know, stood beside Renee's white casket and spoke slow, calming words, about the life she'd lived. Or, the life she wanted people to think she'd lived. He didn't go into detail about her drinking problems, or the fact that the daughter she was survived by was nothing more than an inconvenience for her. There was no mention of the manipulation and constant emotional abuse she forced upon her first husband and only child. He glossed right over that, actually. Instead, he talked about her "endless dedication" to Fork's historical society. He spoke about the time and money she donated to help the city get a new library. He told everyone about her courageous battle with cancer… Eventually, I stopped listening and stared at the stained glass Jesus behind him.

"Renee's never ending dedication to the young and elderly can best be described by the words of those she helped. So please, watch and listen, to what a true blessing she was to people in this community."

The lights in the chapel dimmed, and on the white screen next to the colorful Jesus, pictures of my mother with people I didn't recognize started playing, accompanied by _Let it Be_ by the Beatles and eventually _Bridge Over Troubled Water_ by Simon and Garfunkel. I watched, wondering who that woman was. It might have looked like my mother, but it couldn't be… could it? She was smiling, hugging, playing… all with children she probably didn't even know.

"Ms. Renee was an angel," a child's voice broke through the song. "And I know that even now, she's watching us… singing her songs."

People sitting behind us, cried and sighed at the sentiment of it all, but all I could do was shake my head.

"Who is that?" I asked, pulling at my father's sleeve.

He looked down at me. "What?"

Louder, and pointing at the screen, I repeated myself. "Who is that?"

I felt eyes watching me, but I didn't care. The "joyful moments" of my mother's life flashed across the screen, giving all of us glimpses into the precious moments she'd shared with someone else's children. She colored with them; played basketball with them, let them put makeup on her face… Ideal activities for children that wanted motherly affection. And here, on today of all days, she'd made damn sure that it was thrown in my face.

She could enjoy other children. She could love other children. But she couldn't ever love me.

"I… can't do this." Franticly, I stood up and basically crawled my way over Emmett and Rosalie's legs until I'd reached the outside aisle of the church.

"Bella?" My father asked, talking loud enough that I'd be able to hear him over the fucking music that was still playing.

I ignored him. I ignored everyone.

By the time I'd reached the doors that lead outside, I was running. The heels of my shoes made an absolutely horrible clicking noise, but I noticed that mine weren't the only ones echoing against the walls of the church.

In the parking lot, someone grabbed my arm and begged me to stop.

"I can't… I can't be here!"

"Alright, alright, just breathe."

I shook my head at Emmett's voice. "I… Why? Why did she do this?"

"Bella, breathe!" This time, his voice was louder.

I held on to his arms, trying desperately hard to do what he asked, but I couldn't. "I CAN'T BE HERE!" I yelled, pulling at his sleeves. "I CAN NOT BE HERE!"

"My car is right there," another, smaller, voice interceded. "Bella, come on. We can leave."

"Alice…"

"I'm right here, Bella."

The two of them somehow managed to get me in the back of Alice's SUV and as she pulled out of the parking lot, I shoved toys and car seats out of my way.

"I can't…" I sobbed, lying down. "I can't…"

"You can't what?" They both asked me.

Alice drove, occasionally asking if I was okay. I didn't answer her. Emmett on the other hand, was leaning into the back seat, and continually reminded me to breathe. All I could do was shake my head. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. I couldn't…

We turned, and stopped. The blinker clicked off and on. I heard cars passing us; saw the tops of trees flash by the window. But still… I couldn't.

Closing my eyes, I swallowed and swallowed. I faught back the tears and the screams that were building up inside of me.

"Alice…" Emmett said, leaning back into his seat. "You might want to stop."

"What?" She asked. "Why?"

"Because Bella's about to puke all over your kid's Barbie."

And he was right. I'd barely made it out of the car before I started heaving on the side of the road. Emmett stood off to the side, talking quietly to someone… I didn't know who. No one else was there. Alice held my hair off of my face and tried to whisper encouraging words.

"You're alright, Bella. Okay?"

I shook my head because I most certainly was not okay. Nothing about me was okay. But in a few minutes the vomiting had stopped and I was somewhat more lucid.

"Better?" She asked, rubbing my back.

I didn't answer her question. "Do you have napkins? Tissues?"

She nodded and then quickly ran back to her car.

Standing up straight, I tried again to breathe, but I wasn't successful. It was like everything around me; Alice, Emmett, the trees, my dress, the sky… everything was pressing in on me. It was all too close. So I walked. I followed my instincts, searching for anything open, anything that would help me breathe.

Eventually, the deafening buzzing in my ears wasn't the only thing I could hear. I could hear… more. I could feel… more. I kept walking.

I ignored them calling my name, asking me where I was going. I ignored the sound of another car stopping, another voice talking. I unbuttoned the top buttons of my dress and took off the belt that was cinched against my waist.

"Just wait here!" The voice yelled, not at me, but at them. "Both of you!"

When I felt something cool covering my feet, I finally stopped walking and just stared out at the never ending vastness in front of me. The sound came and went, the coolness came and went. I stayed…unmoving. Still not breathing.

"Bella?" The voice, Edward's voice, asked over the sound of the water.

"I can't…" I repeated again.

He moved to stand next to me, letting the waves wash over his own feet too. "I know."

And just that, the small understanding, sent me headfirst into the breakdown that I'd been fighting off for the past three days. I screamed, so loud and for so long that I was sure I had torn something open in my throat. My knees buckled, and if Edward hadn't of been there, I'd have fallen into the wet sand.

"What did I do wrong?" I cried, trying to pull away from him. Trying to pull away from everything. "Why… why couldn't she love me? What was wrong with me?"

He let me hit him. He let me scream at him. But he never let me go.

"How could she love… those other kids and not love me? What did I do, Edward? Why did she hate me? I did everything she wanted!"

His arms held me up, allowing every ounce of hurt and anger seep from body. And then, when I couldn't scream anymore, when I couldn't fight him anymore, his arms did more than just hold me up. They comforted.

Gently, carefully, tenderly, Edward brought me to his chest, pressed his lips against the side of my head, and slowly rocked me back and forth. "It was never your fault, Bella."

Desperately, I wished I could believe him.

**AN: Just FYI, as far as updating goes, I do what I can. I'm in the midst of moving and dealing with other crap that has a tendency to take over my life. I promise though, I am not abandoning any of my stories! **


	6. Teaser for Fandom4TwiFanG compilation

**A little teaser of the outtake I did for Fandom4TwiFanG, taking place the summer before these kids graduated high school. If you haven't, there is still a chance to donate! Check out the link on my twitter! If you have already donated, thank you! Mad4Hugh was a beloved reader, reviewer, and all around sweet person! I will dearly miss her reviews and cheeky tweets! – JFI**

**Summer of 1999**

Edward parked his truck three houses down from my mother's before wearily looking at me. "You sure you don't want me to come in with you?"

Giving him a reassuring smile, I shook my head. "It's late. She's probably asleep."

"And by asleep, she means passed out in a drunken stupor." Emmett opened his door and added, "Dad is gone, the liquor cabinet is full, and I can guarantee you that Renee is upstairs drooling on her satin pillow."

We all laughed, but Edward still didn't look entirely convinced. "Call me later?"

Leaning across the console, I kissed him. "Of course."

I got out, hugged Alice once she'd crawled over the seats into to take the one I'd vacated, and then made my way around the truck to find Emmett waiting for me. We were about to head towards the house when Edward's voice stopped me.

"Bella, wait. Come here."

Walking back to his rolled down window, I smiled. "Yeah?"

Gently, he grabbed my arm and then asked Alice to hand him the pocket knife he kept in the glove box.

"What are you-" He carefully cut the paper wrist band I was wearing, and I nodded appreciatively. "Thank you."

He smiled before asking, "Want to keep this?"

Taking it from him, I slipped it into my pocket and leaned back into the truck before placing a small kiss on his lips. "I love you."

"Love you too," he whispered, kissing me back. Our eyes lingered on each other's for a few more seconds before he looked over the top of my head and reminded Emmett to take his wrist band off too.

"Got it," he held up his naked wrist. "Now stop making out in the middle of the street and let's go before someone calls Renee and tells her that we are loitering on their property."

He had a point. So we said goodbye, again, and then I followed Emmett through the neighbor's yards and up the sidewalk that lead to the front door.

Slowly, and silently, we snuck inside the house. Only the lamps were lit, and there were no sounds except for the air conditioner running. After shutting the door behind us, he smiled and whispered, "You think she's passed out?"

Emmett seemed completely relaxed after that, but it wasn't until we got upstairs and I saw that her bedroom door was shut, that the anxiety I'd held in my stomach finally lessened. I told him goodnight, rolled my eyes when he said Rosalie would be sneaking inside later, and closed my bedroom door.

My clothes fell into a pile on the floor, the radio played, and I made a beeline for the bathroom. In the steam and water, I felt every one of muscles slowly relax. I let the water fall across my back as I washed away the dirt and sweat that had built up on my skin, and couldn't help but smile at how sensitive certain parts of my body were. I could close my eyes and still feel Edward's lips, hands…

The radio stopped, and so did my movements. I listened for a few seconds, trying to hear anything other than the sound of the running water, but couldn't make anything else out. "Hello?" I called, tentatively. There was no answer.

Deciding that the radio must have lost its signal, I finished my shower and then wrapped myself in a towel. When I opened the door that lead back into my bedroom, I stopped, stood completely still, and watched as my mother looked up at me from the edge of my bed.


	7. The Aftermath

**Nothing is mine. **

**Bella**

"You didn't have to stay."

Edward nodded. "I know."

I had no idea how long I'd stood in his arms crying, or how long it had been since he'd led me to that abandoned log and made me sit down. I'd been too busy sobbing, and cursing my mother's inability to love her only child, to notice anything other than the fact that no matter how hard I believed I'd stopped caring, the truth was that I hadn't. All these years later and despite the miles I'd put between the two of us, my mother's lack of affection, approval, love, and loyalty… everything still hurt. And it made me mad that she still had control over me. So, together, Edward and I had sat on that log. He stared at the water, patiently listening as I yelled and then held me to him when the anger turned into unimaginable hurt.

At some point he'd sent Alice and Emmett back to my mother's house. He'd also put his jacket around my shoulders and removed the wet shoes off of my feet. Then we'd gone back to the _sitting-yelling-listening-crying-holding _thing until there were no more tears left to cry. And then, in the silence that followed, I realized where I was and who I was with.

"You could have left," I muttered, wiping away the salty residue that the tears had left on my face. "I can walk to Dad's house from here."

This time Edward looked back at me before answering, "I know."

Maybe it was because I'd just let an entire life time of anger off of my chest, or because I didn't want to seem vulnerable in front of anyone, especially him, but I became extremely uncomfortable sitting there.

"What time is it?" I stood up, carefully taking off his jacket. "I should get back. I've humiliated my father enough for one day; he shouldn't have to deal with all of those people by himself."

Edward took back the coat I was offering him, but remained sitting down. "Bella, you don't have to go back there."

I couldn't look at him. "No, I need to. Dad shouldn't be by himself and… I'm sure the house is a wreck after all of those people being there. I need to help Sue clean up and I'm…"

He gave me a few seconds to finish, and when I didn't he asked, "You're what?"

So many words could have filled in that blank. I was incredibly sad, hurt, overwhelmed, mad… but mostly I was just tired. I wanted nothing more than to go back to my bedroom, crawl in bed, and try to forget that this day had even happened. "I'm… exhausted."

He stood up, even though I knew he wasn't keen on the idea of taking me back to my mother's house, and held out my shoes that he'd been holding. I tried to take them, looking up when he didn't let go. "You're sure?" He asked, leveling his gaze with mine.

I nodded. Even though I wasn't.

He followed me to the car, opening the door for me once we got there, and then shut it when I was inside. He walked around to the driver's side, and it was then that I noticed two people crossing the short path of beach that lead to the parking lot. It looked like they'd been waiting for us to return, and now they we had, they were coming towards the car.

With his door open, he watched them, and a deep frown covered his face.

"Do you know them?" I asked.

"Stay in the car." He shut the door, locked it, and then walked away to meet them.

Both of the guys looked familiar, and were obviously from the reservation, but I couldn't place who they were. I watched as they seemed to be having a very intense discussion about something that none of them seemed too happy about, and started to get a little worried when the bigger of the two started yelling at Edward.

But, as he'd asked, I stayed in the car and within a few minutes, Edward rejoined me. I waited as he backed out of the parking lot, expecting him to give me some sort of clue about what had just happened, but all he did was tell me to put my seatbelt on.

"Are you going to tell me what that was about?"

Looking in the rearview mirror, he gave me the only answer I was going to get. "It's nothing you need to worry about."

Before I could say anything else, Edward has turned the radio on, effectively telling me that whatever other questions I had weren't going to be answered. Except for the music, the car was silent as we drove back into town and towards my mother's house. It wasn't until he'd turned onto her street and I saw the lack of cars that either one of us spoke.

"How long were we gone?"

He pulled into the driveway, behind Charlie's car, before answering me. "Long enough apparently. I'll get your door."

There wasn't a point in telling him no, especially when he was already out of the car by the time I'd gotten my seatbelt off, so I politely thanked him before following him to the front door.

Inside we were greeted by a dozen frozen faces, their eyes darting between me and Edward. Alice, who was the closest, thankfully interceded. Taking the shoes I'd been holding and then holding onto my arm, she led me away from the curious looks and straight for the staircase.

Walking up the first few, I looked over my shoulder to find Edward watching me. He was still standing in the doorway and had the same look of apprehension that he'd had the other night when he came over here. Alice laid a hand on my back, reminding me that I was supposed to be going upstairs, and I reluctantly looked away.

"Do you want anything to eat? Or drink?"

Shaking my head at her question, I opened the door to my bedroom. "No. Thank you though."

She nodded, coming in behind me, and shutting the door.

"Just let me change clothes and I'll help clean every-"

Taking me by the shoulders, Alice marched me to the bed and sat me down. "No. No helping. You just need to rest, okay?"

"No, I'm fine." I argued. "I just need to change and-"

"When was the last time you slept? Really slept?" She interrupted.

The truth was that it had been months since I'd had a full night's sleep, my last case in Phoenix had caused a lot of late nights, but since I'd been in Forks, I'd had only a few hours of sleep total. So I shrugged. "A while."

"Exactly." Alice went to my suitcase and pilfered through it until she found a pair of pajamas. "Now go take a shower, put these on, and get in bed. I'll wake you up when dinner is ready."

"I'm not hun-"

Tossing the clothes onto the bed, she shook her head. "I know you haven't been eating either, Bella. Just humor me and at least _pretend_ to sleep and eat a few bites before I go home tonight, okay?"

I couldn't help but laugh a little. "Have you always been this pushy?"

Alice smiled. "Since birth."

xXxXxXx

When I woke up, I could hear the faint sound of voices from downstairs, and given the fact that it was dark outside, I assumed that the majority of my mother's guests had left. And even if I hadn't wanted to admit it to Alice, the idea of food was appealing.

Throwing back the blankets, I clumsily got out of the bed and made my way to the door. I was still groggy, so I carefully made my way downstairs, stopping when I got to the bottom. From the living room, I could see Alice and Jasper taking food and drinks outside where my dad sat with Sue, Carlisle and Esme. In the kitchen, I could hear Emmett and Rosalie, arguing about portion control, but once I was standing in the doorway, I realized they weren't alone. Edward was standing at the sink, his back to me.

"Ah, she lives!" Emmett said, pointing a spatula at me. "You hungry?"

Rosalie turned around, giving me a small smile. "Jasper made a brisket."

"Maybe in a little bit. I need to wake up first." I shook my head, moving further into the kitchen.

The two of them went back to fixing plates of food, and within a few minutes Edward and I were left alone. He was elbow deep in a sink full of dirty dishes, rinsing them off before sitting them on a towel that was laid out on the counter.

I stared at his back, watching the muscles move underneath his shirt, before getting another towel and drying off the dishes as he washed them. "How long did everyone stay?"

"Not much longer after we got here," He said, handing me a bowl. "Do you feel better?"

I shrugged. "Still tired."

"Alice was about to bring you a plate upstairs so you wouldn't have to get out of bed."

Without thinking, I automatically started shaking my head. "No, we aren't allowed to have food outside the kitchen." Edward stopped and looked at me but I ignored it. "Have you eaten?"

"No." He handed me a glass. "I was going to finish this first. To be honest though, I'm not really a fan of Jasper's brisket."

"Speaking of Jasper," I said, looking up at him. "You want to tell me why you felt the need to punch him?"

Edward grinned. "Nope."

I took another glass that he was offering. "Tell me anyway."

Rising off the last plate, Edward shook his head. "He shouldn't have talked to you that way, Bella. Regardless of what you did or didn't do, it wasn't his place."

"So you just hauled off and hit him?"

Drying off his hands, he turned to look at me. "I had to stand by, for years, watching your mother talk to you like that and I won't do it anymore. I don't care what has happened between us, between you and Alice… I won't let someone talk to you like that. Not if I can help it."

The same uncomfortable feeling from before crept into my stomach, making me feel vulnerable and weak. I sat down the plate I was holding and took a deep breath. "I don't need you to protect me, Edward."

"I wasn't trying to protect you, Bella. I was-"

I thanked Edward for helping with the dishes before leaving him standing at the sink. I could feel his eyes watching me as I walked away, but didn't stop. Running up the stairs, I went back into my bedroom then into the bathroom, and with the door locked, I slid down onto the tile and held my knees against my chest.

"I'm not weak," I whispered to myself. "I'm not."

**AN: For some reason, this was SUCH A HARD CHAPTER FOR ME TO WRITE! Literally, I wrote it three times and each one is different, so I apologize for the delay in updating. Below, you will find a teaser for an outtake I did for Fandom4LLS. If you are interested in getting it, check out their blog to donate!**

**XxXxXx**

**1996**

My crush on Edward had come out of nowhere, hard and fast. One day he was just my best friend's twin brother, someone that annoyed the living daylights out of both of us, and had always cut all of our Barbies' hair off. But then, it changed; I changed. He was in every other thought that I had and left me wondering what it would be like to have him feel the same way about me.

In vain, I'd tried to make myself more… appealing. I'd seen the way Edward, Emmett and just about every other boy in our grade looked at Rosalie Hale. They noticed her. They noticed the lipstick, the tight pants, curly hair and cleavage. So, borrowing some things from Alice, I'd tried to imitate her look. The only response it had gotten me was a comment from Emmett, telling me I had stuff on my face. Apparently he didn't know it was supposed to be blush. After that, I was on the verge of giving up and going back to plain ponytails and jeans that I'd always worn. Now, after finding out that Edward saw me as something resembling a cousin, my decision was final.

"Hello!" A hand was waved in front of me face. "Earth to Bella."

Briefly, I glanced up at him. "What?"

"You alright?"

Nodding, I quickened my pace. "Alice… I should catch up with her."

Leaving him behind, I started running, fighting the urge to cry with every step I took.


	8. The Very Beginning- an outtake

**This was an outtake for Fandom4LLS. If you donated, THANK YOU! **

**Also, yes, I am still working on the next chapter. Sorry that it is taking longer than expected!**

**I own nothing, ever.**

**1996**

"Bella!" Alice yelled, laughing. "Hurry up!"

Walking behind the group of them, I watched as Emmett kept running with Alice perched on his back and Rosalie behind him, shaking her head. Briefly, I wondered where Edward was, but then a shadow moved from beneath the street light, just ahead of me.

"You don't have to wait."

Falling into step with me, he shrugged. "Not like the park is going to go anywhere."

I smiled, making sure to keep my head down so he wouldn't see, and I kept walking beside him.

Being a teenager in Forks sucked. The options for entertainment were few and far between; do the Forks police department was doubly busy on Friday and Saturday nights, and it was why most of my weekends were spent at the Cullen's house. There was one movie theater, which was currently showing an R rated movie that none of our parents would sign off on, so that left the park, the diner, or sitting at the Cullen's house being forced to play board games. That explained why the five us were walking through town, in the dark, avoiding the fresh rain puddles.

"You alright?" Edward asked, hitting my shoulder with his. "You've been quiet tonight."

"I'm fine."

Although it was dark, I knew Edward was rolling his eyes at my usual, generic, response.

"Alice said that your mom…" His voice trailed off but there wasn't a need to continue. We all knew where that sentence ended. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

After my mother had shown up at the Cullen's, drunk and yelling, I was humiliated. Even more so now that Edward was bringing it up again. "I'm fine, really," I muttered, stepping over a huge crack in the sidewalk.

We kept walking but remained silent. That was until Edward opened his big mouth, again.

"You know you're like family, Bella."

His words, meant to comfort, hurt. He thought of me as family? Like a sister? Or a cousin?

My crush on Edward had come out of nowhere, hard and fast. One day he was just my best friend's twin brother, someone that annoyed the living daylights out of both of us, and had always cut all of our Barbies' hair off. But then, it changed; I changed. He was in every other thought that I had and left me wondering what it would be like to have him feel the same way about me.

In vain, I'd tried to make myself more… appealing. I'd seen the way Edward, Emmett and just about every other boy in our grade looked at Rosalie Hale. They noticed her. They noticed the lipstick, the tight pants, curly hair and cleavage. So, borrowing some things from Alice, I'd tried to imitate her look. The only response it had gotten me was a comment from Emmett, telling me I had stuff on my face. Apparently he didn't know it was supposed to be blush. After that, I was on the verge of giving up and going back to plain ponytails and jeans that I'd always worn. Now, after finding out that Edward saw me as something resembling a cousin, my decision was final.

"Hello!" A hand was waved in front of me face. "Earth to Bella."

Briefly, I glanced up at him. "What?"

"You alright?"

Nodding, I quickened my pace. "Alice… I should catch up with her."

Leaving him behind, I started running, fighting the urge to cry with every step I took.

xXxXx

Sitting on top of the jungle gym, I watched as Alice twirled in the tire swing, threatening to kick Rosalie every time she got close enough.

"Don't!" She shrieked, jumping away from her. "These are brand new jeans, Alice!"

Alice laughed, Edward and Emmett started imitating Rosalie's voice, and before too long there was a chase. I stayed where I was, watching my breath come and go in the cold air, and pulled my coat tighter around me.

"See," Edward's voice, ragged and out of breath, came from behind me. "You tell me you're fine but then you sit up here all by yourself." Sitting down on the bar next to me, he grinned.

Not even trying to keep the annoyance out of my tone, I shoved my hands in my coat pockets. "You shouldn't worry about me, Edward."

He frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sure your efforts would be better spent on Rosalie, or Lauren."

"What the hell does that-"

Before he could finish, I interrupted him. "I'm not some lost puppy or… orphaned girl that needs your sympathy, okay?" I jumped down to the ground, ignoring the pain that shot through my feet, and started walking towards my father's house.

"Where are you going?" Edward asked loudly.

I didn't answer him or Alice. Instead, I just kept walking. I hadn't even made it to the gate that led to the street before I heard footsteps behind me.

"Bella."

Shaking my head, I walked faster. "Leave me alone, Edward."

My efforts didn't matter because he grabbed my hand and pulled me to a stop. "Will you just listen to me?"

"What?" I asked, turning around. "What do you want?"

He looked at me for a moment, studying my face, making me feel entirely too vulnerable and then squeezed my hand. "I don't… You aren't a lost puppy, Bella."

I tried to pull my hand away but he wouldn't let me go.

"I just… I care about you."

"Yeah," I nodded. "Like a cousin or a sister… I know!"

Slowly, he shook his head. "No," he said, quietly. "You don't. You have no idea."

Something was different. The way he spoke, the way to looked at me, the way he touched me… suddenly I became extremely aware of the fact that Edward was holding my hand and that he was standing way too close to me. I wanted to take a step backwards, to put some space between us, but my feet wouldn't move. Instead, I slowly looked up at him. "What don't I know?" I asked, hardly breathing.

"I don't care about Rosalie Hale or Lauren Mallory, Bella."

My heart pounded in my chest. "And?"

"And," he whispered, his breath falling on my lips. "You don't need make up like they do."

Quickly, my eyes moved away from his dangerously close lips and found his eyes.

Grinning, he asked, "Did you think I hadn't noticed?"

I tried to speak but the only thing I could manage was a babbling nonsense that made me sound like an idiot. Edward continued to watch me, smiling, but then quietly said my name.

"Hmm?" I asked, still looking at his mouth.

"Please stop talking so I can finally kiss you."

I did.

And then he did.

And even with the loud whistling from Emmett, Alice's "_About friggin' time_," and Rosalie's indignant huffing… It was perfect.


	9. Summer of 99- an outtake

**An outtake from Fandom4TwiFanG… Thanks if you donated!**

**By JustForkIt**

**Summer of 1999**

**Bella**

Sticky with sweat, my tank top and shorts were practically molded to my body. Loose pieces of hair that had escaped my ponytail stuck to my neck and cheeks. I felt disgusting. But, even with the mess, Edward's hands never left my body.

Standing behind me, flush against my back, he moved the two of us to the beat of the music that was being performed on stage. His hands pulled against my hips, his fingers slipped under the hem of my shirt, teasing, touching, and roaming.

There were people everywhere, surrounding us. Our friends, his sister, they all stood so close that is could have been considered indecent for him to be touching my like that. But he didn't care.

With his lips on my ear, and his hot breath on my neck, he sang along with the lyrics as his hand rose even higher up my shirt. I leaned my head back, resting it on his shoulder, and squeezed his forearm in an attempt to stifle the moaning that boiled in my chest.

"You alright?" Edward asked, smiling into my hair.

I nodded.

"Are you sure?" He drew the words out as his hand slid across my stomach.

Although it was hot, and sweat had left a fine sheen on my arms and chest, I shivered. And Edward knew he'd won.

The song ended and everyone started clapping and yelling. I started looking for a way back to the car, pulling Edward behind me.

"Where are you going?" I heard Emmett yell.

"We'll meet you at the car!" Edward called back, laughing. "Bella needs my help with something."

I didn't need to turn around to know Emmett was laughing, Rosalie was scowling, and Alice was entirely too lost in the music to notice that we'd left. All I cared about was finding my way out of the crowds of people that stood between me and Edward's lips kissing every inch of my bare stomach. But I was short, and small, and no matter how determined; people just didn't see me.

"Come on," he said, picking me up as if I weighted nothing.

Thrown over his shoulder, I bounced up and down, laughing while Edward yelled for people to get out of his way. But they did, and the closer we got to the remote parking lot, the grabbier his hands got.

Finally at his truck, I was deposited in the bed and helped Edward over the tailgate, not wasting any time in pulling his body to mine. His shirt was the first thing to come off, which he carefully put under my head.

"So gentlemanly," I whispered.

He just smiled down at me before pulling my leg higher up on his hip.

With the stars above us, and the faint sound of the music still being played inside the fairgrounds, Edward and I gave in to the lust that clouded our thoughts all day. His hands curved around my hips, my shoulder, down my inner thigh, and over my chest. I lifted my back up, pushed up against him, widened my legs… pleading.

"Shh," he whispered, kissing my mouth.

I nodded but didn't stop begging. "Edward, please."

An aching pull coiled, tighter and tighter, in my stomach. My body throbbed. My heart pounded. I pushed up against him, wanting more, and more, and then finally he slid between my legs, fulfilling the ache.

All day, since he'd picked Emmett and me up this morning, Edward had done nothing but tease my body. Touching me, pulling me, testing me, but now I had him exactly where I'd needed him. His hips, delightfully heavy, anchored me. His forearms framed my head. His hands, buried in my hair, gently pulled. I wrapped my body around him, only giving him enough room to pull away before pushing back against me.

"Love you," he whispered, leaning his forehead against mine. "Bella…"

My hands held his back, wanting him closer. "Kiss me."

I didn't have to ask twice. Still pulling away and then pushing back in, Edward's lips fell down on mine. Our kisses mixed with my moans and his panting, and soon there was nothing but the frenzied clawing, pushing, holding, gasping that ended with both of us sated and smiling in the bed of his truck.

He started to move away, after kissing my forehead, but I stopped him. "Wait."

Leaning up on his forearms, looking down at me, he smiled. "What?"

Still resting on his back, I let my hands slide up his shoulders, stopping when I'd reached his chest. Sitting up, I kissed him, slowly, and then lay back down. "Thank you."

"For what?" He asked, touching my bottom lip. "For this?"

Shaking my head, I kissed his fingertips. "For a perfect day."

Edward's grin faltered, slightly, but it was the darkness that clouded his eyes that gave away his anger. "We'll have more perfect days, Bella. We'll leave… and-"

"I know," I whispered, taking his hand and holding it against my chest. "I love you. And no matter what I face when I go back home tonight, today was worth it."

He wanted to tell me not to go home, to never go home. He wanted to remind me that Charlie's was safer. On the tip of his tongue were a hundred different plans that he had for getting me away from my mother, away from her hurting me. But he didn't say any of those things. Instead, he gently ran his fingers across my neck and my cheek before placing another light kiss on my lips.

xXxXxXxXx

All day I'd ignored the impending sense of doom that had sat in my stomach. I'd forced myself to enjoy the music, enjoy the last few days of summer that we had, and focus only on the good things that surrounded me. But, the closer we got to my mother's house, the more anxious I became.

I'd begged and pleaded with my mother, for months, to let me go to the music festival in Olympia. I had worked extra shifts to be able to pay for the ticket myself, had even convinced Emmett's dad to try and talk her into it. It was all for nothing. She'd point blank refused, and being the teenager I am, I said screw it and went anyway… after a lot of persuading from Alice and Emmett. We'd concocted a lie, telling her I would be at Alice's all day working on Student Counsel agendas, and made sure that my dad, Carlisle, and Esme were all in on the story. None of them agreed with our lying, but their pity won out and they'd promise to cover for us if needed.

So, as was usual, Edward parked his truck three houses down from my mother's before wearily looking at me. "You sure you don't want me to come in with you?"

Giving him a reassuring smile, I shook my head. "It's late. She's probably asleep."

"And by asleep, she means passed out in a drunken stupor." Emmett opened his door and added, "Dad is gone, the liquor cabinet is full, and I can guarantee you that Renee is upstairs drooling on her satin pillow."

We all laughed, but Edward still didn't look entirely convinced. "Call me later?"

Leaning across the console, I kissed him. "Of course."

I got out, hugged Alice once she'd crawled over the seats into to take the one I'd vacated, and then made my way around the truck to find Emmett waiting for me. We were about to head towards the house when Edward's voice stopped me.

"Bella, wait. Come here."

Walking back to his rolled down window, I smiled. "Yeah?"

Gently, he grabbed my arm and then asked Alice to hand him the pocket knife he kept in the glove box.

"What are you-" He carefully cut the paper wrist band I was wearing, and I nodded appreciatively. "Thank you."

He smiled before asking, "Want to keep this?"

Taking it from him, I slipped it into my pocket and leaned back into the truck before placing a small kiss on his lips. "I love you."

"Love you too," he whispered, kissing me back. Our eyes lingered on each other's for a few more seconds before he looked over the top of my head and reminded Emmett to take his wrist band off too.

"Got it," he held up his naked wrist. "Now stop making out in the middle of the street and let's go before someone calls Renee and tells her that we are loitering on their property."

He had a point. So we said goodbye, again, and then I followed Emmett through the neighbor's yards and up the sidewalk that lead to the front door.

Slowly, and silently, we snuck inside the house. Only the lamps were lit, and there were no sounds except for the air conditioner running. After shutting the door behind us, he smiled and whispered, "You think she's passed out?"

Emmett seemed completely relaxed after that, but it wasn't until we got upstairs and I saw that her bedroom door was shut, that the anxiety I'd held in my stomach finally lessened. I told him goodnight, rolled my eyes when he said Rosalie would be sneaking inside later, and closed my bedroom door.

My clothes fell into a pile on the floor, the radio played, and I made a beeline for the bathroom. In the steam and water, I felt every one of muscles slowly relax. I let the water fall across my back as I washed away the dirt and sweat that had built up on my skin, and couldn't help but smile at how sensitive certain parts of my body were. I could close my eyes and still feel Edward's lips, hands…

The radio stopped, and so did my movements. I listened for a few seconds, trying to hear anything other than the sound of the running water, but couldn't make anything else out. "Hello?" I called, tentatively. There was no answer.

Deciding that the radio must have lost its signal, I finished my shower and then wrapped myself in a towel. When I opened the door that lead back into my bedroom, I stopped, stood completely still, and watched as my mother looked up at me from the edge of my bed.

"You look surprised to see me, Bella."

Tightening the towel around me, I told her the truth. "I thought you were asleep."

"Did you?" She asked, slowly standing up. "Is that why you were so quiet, sneaking back into the house? Because you thought I was sleeping?"

"I didn't sneak back into the house, Mother. I used the front door, just like I always-"

"Where were you today?" She cut me off.

Swallowing, I tried to look convincing. "I told you. Alice needed help with the student counsel agendas and-"

"So you were at the Cullen's?"

I nodded and watched as she walked towards me.

"All day?"

Again, I nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

Standing directly in front of me, she smiled. "You stupid, _ignorant_, girl." And then, hard, her hand slapped my face. I tried not to yell out, not to give her the satisfaction of knowing she'd hurt me, but when she slapped me again, I stumbled backwards into the bathroom, landing on the toilet. "The next time you want to lie to me, Isabella, do not leave the evidence laying out for me to find!"

The wrist band that had been in my pocket was now crumpled in her hand. She threw it down onto the floor before walking towards me.

"Do you think I'm an idiot? Do you think I don't know what goes on in my own-" My mother stopped yelling, stopped walking towards me, and stared at my body. Her face, already red from anger, became blotchy and her eyes widened. "What is that?"

Looking down, I shook my head. "My towel?"

Grabbing my arm, she yanked me in front of the mirror and pulled the terrycloth away from me, leaving me naked. "What is _that_?"

Horrified, I stared at the purple marks that Edward's mouth had left all over my neck and chest, and had absolutely no idea what to say. Instead, I tried to reach for the towel again, to at least cover myself up, but she stopped me.

"Did you let Edward Cullen do this to you?"

"Mother, please." Trying again to pull away from her, I failed. She grabbed my shoulders and spun me back around to look at the mirror.

"You let him do this to you? You let him _defile_ your body?" She yelled, forcefully turning my head anytime I tried to look away. "Look at what a whore you've become! Look!"

I hated this, all of it. I hated her. I hated being in this fucking house. I hated that I even allowed her words to upset me. But most of all, I hated that I couldn't stop myself from crying. Tears ran down my face, hot against my cheeks, and as she continued to insult me, I stared at my reflection and did the best I could to ignore her insults.

Trying to think of anything, other than what was happening, I tried to remember every good thing that had happened today. Riding in Edward's truck with the windows rolled down, all of us singing along with the radio. The way Alice looked, twirling around with the music. Getting to see several of my favorite bands, live for the first time. Dancing with Edward in the middle of the crowd, seeing him smile and laugh…

"Do you at least use protection? Or was that all part of your plan? Getting knocked up? Probably the only way you'll ever convince a man like that to-"

Her words broke through the happy memories and I shook my head. "Don't say that."

"Say what? The truth?" She laughed. "Like father like daughter, Bella. Is that it?"

I ground my teeth together. "Stop it."

"Charlie tried to trap me with you; we all know how that turned out, and now you're trying to trap Edward with a bastard baby of your own?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I screamed at her.

She opened her mouth, probably to tell me I cussed like a whore too. But a flip had switched and I couldn't stand there and take her insults anymore. Forcefully, I pushed her back towards the bathtub.

"You don't know anything about my relationship with Edward!" I kept screaming. "And how dare you call me a whore! I've slept with one person, Mother! Could you say the same thing when you were my age? Judging from the stories I've heard, I'd say no!"

Gaining her balance, Renee stood in front of me, furious. "One more word and I'll-"

"You'll what?" I asked, laughing. "You'll hit me? Fine, hit me! I'll file a police report with Dad! You'll insult me? Go ahead! There isn't much else you can say that will hurt me!"

A calm and incredibly terrifying smile came over her face. She straightened her robe, then her hair, before speaking. "You think so, baby girl? You think your father can save you? Can rescue you?" Slowly, she took a step towards me. "What did I tell you the last time you threatened me? Do you remember?"

My body went cold.

She nodded, knowing that I did. "Your father's attorney couldn't fight his way out of a shoe box, Bella. Do you really think he could go up against me? Up against my money? My influences?" She made a condescending _tsking_ sound and then sighed. "I warned you not to threaten me. And now… now you only have yourself to blame."

"You can't."

"Oh, I can. And I will. Who would ever think that sending you to New Hampshire, to such a prestigious boarding school, would be a punishment? Certainly not Judge Riley, or The State of Washington. They'd see what amazing opportunity this would be for someone your age."

"Mother…"

The smile stayed on her face as she moved past me, leaving the bathroom. "I hope you have sweet dreams, Bella."

She left; closing the door behind her, and all I could do was stand there and cry. Naked, alone, and completely terrified that she would follow through with her threat, I sank down onto the bathroom floor. What would hurt me the most? Calling me names? Hitting me? No, she knew I'd get past all of that. But take away the only family I really had, and she knew it would kill me. My mother would send me to New Hampshire, to some ridiculously expensive boarding school, and make me leave behind my dad, Alice, and Edward. She'd make me leave everything I loved… and wouldn't think twice about it.

"No," I cried, frantically, and scrambled to stand up.

In my bedroom, I threw on the first clothes I found, slipped into shoes and immediately went for Emmett's bedroom. Without knocking, I walked inside and ignored Rosalie's indigent whispers.

"What the hell!" She hissed, throwing an arm over her naked chest. "Privacy, Bella! Ever heard of it?"

"Locking the door, ever heard of it?" I said, just as acidly.

"What the hell happened? Why is your lip bleeding?" Emmett ignored both of us and sat up. "Bella, what's wrong?"

I didn't feel the need to go into a deep discussion about anything; instead, I just shook my head while opening his window. "Lock your door and Renee will think I'm in here with you. Okay?"

"Wait," He got out of the bed, thankfully bringing the sheet with him. "Where are you going?"

Again, I didn't answer him. "I'll be back tomorrow before she wakes up."

Slipping out of his window, I used the same ladder that Rosalie had been using the past six months and carefully made my way down onto the lawn. Once I'd reached it, I stared running towards the street.

It took me close to an hour to get to the Cullen's house, and once I had, I didn't stop to ring the doorbell. Like always, I climbed the tree that was closest to their stone fence, carefully walked my way along it until I reached the eave of the house that led to Alice's bedroom window. I knocked, and looking completely unsurprised, she opened her window. "Edward was about to leave to look for you."

"What?" I asked, crawling past her.

"Emmett called and said you just left and didn't…" She stopped talking once I was all the way inside and carefully touched the side of my face. "My God, Bella! How hard did she hit you?"

Shrugging, I touched my lip and winced. "I'll be fine. Where's Edward?"

"Stay here, I'll go get him. If dad sees you… well, it won't be pretty."

She left, shutting the door behind her, and I restlessly walked around her bedroom. Stopping in front of the vanity, leaning down to see the busted lip and red whelp my mother had left on my face, and I tried to get the dried blood off my chin. It was in the middle of this that Edward walked into his sister's room.

"What the hell…"

I shook my head, trying to ease his worries as he walked towards me. "I'm fine."

"Bella…" He carefully held my face in his hands, running a thumb over my swollen cheek. "We need to get you some ice before the swelling gets worse."

"No," I pulled his hands away. "Edward, we have to leave."

"Leave?" He asked, frowning. "Do you want me to take you to Charlie's?"

"Farther than Charlie's. I was thinking… Canada."

He laughed one short, loud, burst. "Canada?"

I squeezed his hands, taking a deep breath before telling him what had happened tonight. I skipped past the fact that she'd seen the hickeys he'd left on my skin, knowing he'd only blame himself, and got to the part where Renee had said that she was going to send me to boarding school.

"New Hampshire?" Alice asked, standing behind her brother. "She can't do that!"

Edward took the bag of frozen peas she'd brought up from the kitchen, and carefully held it against my face before agreeing with her. "She can't send you out of state without getting Charlie's approval, Bella. You're still a minor and-"

"And she will find a way!" I tried to make them understand. "She will find a way to get past my dad's approval! She is friends with the fucking judge, Edward! Don't you understand? That's why we have to leave! We can go to Canada and… get married! Then she can't make me leave!"

"I'm not going to let her send you away." Alice said, taking my hand. "Neither will Mom and Dad."

Closing my eyes, I shook my head, hoping to keep the damn tears from reappearing. "You don't understand. Nothing you say, or do, or that your parents say or do, will change her mind!"

"Bella," Edward's voice was calm and soothing. "Look at me."

Reluctantly, I did.

"Do you really think she will follow through with this? Regardless of what your dad, what his attorney, the judge… what everyone thinks that she will try to send you to New Hampshire?"

I didn't hesitate to answer him. "A hundred percent."

He nodded once, before smiling. "Alright."

"Alright?"

"We'll go to Canada."

**AN: I was extremely privileged to have G as a reader, and the least I could do was contribute an outtake to help benefit her family.**


	10. Gravity

**FINALLY! I still own nothing.**

**Bella **

In the bathroom, with my back against the door, I was foolish enough to believe that I would be left alone. But it hadn't even been ten minutes before a quiet knocking interrupted my solitude. I waited, thinking it might have been my father, but it wasn't his voice that called my name.

"Bella," Edward sighed. "Please open the door."

I remained silent- hoping he would take the hint and just give up and leave.

"You will eventually have to talk to me," he continued. "And I will sit out here all night if that is what it takes."

His persistence annoyed me, and for nearly half an hour, I sat with my back against the door and listened as he talked. His footsteps, pacing back and forth, became louder with time and I knew frustration was starting to wear on him.

A sharp knock on the door startled me. "Bella!"

It was quiet after that- no talking, no pacing. And I thought that maybe he had finally left. But then, his voice ragged and defeated, Edward said something that made my heart stop and my entire body freeze.

"Are you ever going to stop punishing me? I'm not your mother."

Getting up off of the floor, and against my better judgment, I opened the bathroom door. "You think I don't know that?"

Lamely, he shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know what you think. You won't talk to me!"

I made to shut the bathroom door again, rolling my eyes in the process, but Edward's hand grabbed the heavy piece of wood and yanked it away from me. "Stop running away from me."

Angrily, I tried to shove him away, only to get more aggravated when it had no effect at all. "What the fuck do we have to talk about?" I yelled. "You broke my heart and I broke yours! What else is there? We hate each other!"

"You can sit down on that beach and let me hold you, and tell you everything is fine, but as soon as we are back here- around other people- you freeze up and act like you don't even know me, Bella! I know this is fucking hard, believe me, I know! But this didn't just happen to you! You think I don't need closure from all of this? You think I don't have any questions?"

I laughed once before saying, "Gosh Edward, I am sure you are just _incredibly_ saddened by the loss of your esteemed boss."

"This isn't about your mother and you know it."

"No," I shook my head. "That is where you are wrong. It was your decision to work for her, to be here, that ruined everything!"

Yelling, his face became red with anger. "I told you- I didn't know she was involved until-"

I pushed at his chest. "And you knew I couldn't come back here, regardless!"

Slapping my hands away, he kept going. "I would have stayed, Bella! It didn't have to be Forks! It didn't even have to be Washington! But you fucking leave without any Goddamn consideration for anyone else but yourself!"

"Then why did you come back here? Why? If you _knew_- if you_ looked_ for me- if you _really _wanted me back then why did you come here?" I screamed at him. "Because seeing you here, happy and working for _her;_ is like a fucking knife in my heart, Edward!"

"Because I had no other choice!"

"What does that even mean?" I asked, shaking my head. "You always had a choice!"

With his eyes closed, Edward took a step away from me while breathing hard through his nose. I watched, silently, as he walked in a small circle- pushing his hands through his hair. When he started muttering to himself, I asked what the hell was going on. It took a few minutes, but when he did answer me, his voice was very small and very quiet.

"I… couldn't get a job in Seattle."

My hands instinctively went to my hips. "Excuse me?"

Looking at the floor, he shook his head. "With my record… I applied for fifteen different jobs in Seattle but no one would hire me, not with the way I was. So I had to come back, I had to live with my parents and… when I got another letter from _Hope House_, asking if I wanted a job, I didn't have a choice."

"What are you talking about, Edward?"

Reluctantly, his head lifted until he was looking at me. "Three DUI's…alcoholism… I was a walking disaster for over two years. I felt like a complete failure until a company took a chance on me, gave me an opportunity. So yeah, I came back. And I stayed. But don't think, for one second, that I ever forgave your mother for what she did to you."

"I didn't…" Slowly, I shook my head, trying to process everything he was telling me.

"Your mother didn't pay me, Bella. The state does. And she was hardly involved with anything I ever did. But I stayed after I found Renee was involved because I like my job. I make a difference there. I help people. And at a time when I had absolutely nothing, that job and those people, put me back together. I was able to focus on helping them instead of hurting myself."

I had absolutely no idea what to say, or do. So I simply stood there.

"I'm sorry that you think I came back here, simply to spite you. And I am incredibly sorry that seeing me now, working there, makes you so unhappy. But you're the one that walked away, Bella. You're the one that left. And when you did, you took a huge piece of me with you. And this organization is the only thing that has ever been able to make me feel whole again."

With that, Edward slowly walked past me, heading back to the door that would lead him into the hallway. But, before he left, he stopped and looked back at me.

"For what it's worth, Bella, I don't hate you. I love you… and regardless of if I should or shouldn't, I probably always will."

**xXxXxXx**

It had been three days since my mother's funeral, and I hadn't left my bedroom. I'd hardly moved from my spot in the middle of the bed and eaten only enough to wave off the feeling of my blood sugar plummeting. People came and went, quietly begging me to get out of bed, but I would fake being in a comatose sleep- unable to hear them. In truth, I heard everything. But, I ignored all of them.

I didn't want to move. Or think.

So, after Sue had sat a plate, holding another meal I wouldn't eat, down onto my nightstand, I listened for the door to shut behind her. Once it had, my eyes opened and I blankly stared at the shadows that moved against the ceiling- glad to, once again, be left alone.

**xXxXxXx**

"Bella."

My father's voice- louder than it usually was- woke me from the restless sleep I'd been in. I looked up at him, blinking quickly, and tried to figure out why the room was so damn bright. When I saw that the curtains were pulled back, I turned away from him and onto my stomach. "Go away."

"Wake up." He said, yanking the blankets away from me.

"Dad, I'm tired and-" Before I could finish telling him I just wanted to go back to sleep, he'd ripped the pillow out from under my head. Annoyed, I turned onto my back to glare at him. "What the hell!"

"Exactly," he nodded, exaggerating his movements. "What the hell!"

I pointed at the pillow he'd taken from me. "I was asleep and you come up here, yelling and-"

He interrupted me. "You've been holed up in this room for a week, Bella! You won't talk to anyone! You don't eat!"

"I'm tired!" I yelled back at him, enunciating my words.

"People have been coming by to ask about you and your damn phone has been ringing constantly! I finally just told Sue to turn the damn thing off!" He continued ranting- complaining about my lack of social interaction and personal hygiene- until I finally sat up and threw off what little blankets remained tangled around my legs.

"Jesus Christ, Dad!" Getting out of bed, I pushed hair off of my face. "I'm a grown woman!"

"My point exactly! And you-"

"And I don't need you to fucking babysit me!" My mouth snapped shut as soon as the words had left my lips, and I looked away from my father's eyes. Never, in my entire life, had I ever talked to him that way. The guilt made my stomach heavy, but even though I knew I should have apologized, I didn't.

After a few minutes of silence, he took a deep breath. "You can't keep going on like this, Bella."

"I'm fine."

"Don't lie to me," he said, throwing the pillow down onto the bed, "and don't lie to yourself."

Instinctively, my hands flew to my hips. "What do you want me to do, Dad? Should I just act like nothing has happened?"

"No, but you can't keep yourself locked up in this damn house- alone- ignoring everything and everyone! If you're mad then be mad! If you're upset then be upset- but you have got to talk to someone! You have got to move on with your life!"

"What life?" I yelled, throwing my arms up. "I have no life here! I can't just fall back into the same routine with them! I can't-"

"Then leave, Bella! Settle all of this shit with your mother's estate and go back to Arizona if that is what you need! Go back to work, back to your real life! Just do… _something_!"

At the mention of Arizona- and the job that I no longer had- the anger that had been fueling my argument faded. It only made me more aware of the fact that I literally felt like I had nothing. The only thing I was left with was an overwhelming sense of failure and confusion- stuck in a town that held nothing but haunting reminders of a past life that I'd worked so hard to forget.

Dad watched me as I clumsily sat on the corner of the bed. He was silent, waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't. I didn't even know where to begin. Especially since I had absolutely no desire to tell him what had happened the day I'd left to come back to Forks. I didn't want to talk about Arizona, I didn't want to talk about the anger and hurt that I still felt towards my mother, and above all, I didn't want to admit to myself- let alone anyone else- that I could not stop thinking about Edward. I replayed everything in my mind- the night on the porch, the beach, the kitchen, the in my bedroom…My feelings, my thoughts… none of it made sense.

"Bella?" Dad prompted, gently touching my shoulder.

Looking up, I said the one thing that I knew would ease the worry that weighed down my father's heart. "You're right."

And he was. I couldn't keep pretending that all of this would somehow fix itself. I had to meet with Jasper, I had to deal with all of my mother's affairs, and I had to decide what I would do once I went back to Phoenix. Because one thing was certain; I had to get the hell out of Forks and away from the memories and unanswered questions it held before I ended up making a huge mistake.


	11. Finished

**After working two full time jobs, holidays, being sick, and starting school again I am back. Sorry for the delay! As always- nothing is mine.**

**Bella**

In a matter of days I'd managed to empty the majority of my mother's heirlooms from the shelves and cabinets they'd been hidden in for the past decade. The historical society was all too eager to take her china, jewelry, most of the silver, and even a few paintings of my great grandparents that had creeped me out since childhood. What items remained, along with the furniture, would be auctioned off and sold to the highest bidder. I didn't need the money, or want it, but Sue had made a point when she'd mentioned giving it to charity. An antique end table and love seat wouldn't do anybody any good, but the money it sold for would.

By the time I'd managed to work up the determination to call Jasper and set up a time to meet with him, the majority of my mother's house was empty. He walked through the front doors, his eyes taking inventory of what was missing, and then nodded his head before saying, "I'd figured you would get rid of everything."

Shutting the front door, I leaned back against it and shrugged. "Well, what else was I going to do with five sterling silver tea services?"

Jasper didn't answer my rhetorical question. Instead, he awkwardly shifted his weight back and forth on his feet before speaking. "I owe you an apology, don't I?"

"It doesn't matt-"

"No," he said, interrupting me. "It does. I shouldn't have… I didn't have a right to talk to you like that. And I am sorry, Bella."

A very bitter and callous part of me wanted to tell him I didn't accept his apology because he was right; he had no right to say the things he did, or judge me because of a situation he knew nothing about. But that wasn't who I was. There was enough anger and resentment in my heart directed towards my mother and the situation she'd put me in; I didn't need to add to it. Instead, I nodded at Jasper's apology before walking towards the kitchen; knowing he would follow behind me.

At the only table left in the house, I sat down and waited as he pulled a stack of files out of his briefcase and spread them out for me to see. It didn't escape my notice that the biggest file, the one marked _Hope House_, was shoved towards the back. But I wasn't looking forward to dealing with that either, so I didn't saying anything.

"Basically," he said, sliding the first file towards me, "the only things left to decide on are the larger assets that your mother had. She still held the family's portion of the lumber yard's ownership, the house-"

"Sell it."

Jasper looked up but hesitated before asking me if I was sure. When I nodded, he tried to reason with me. "Bella, the lumber yard has been in your family for-"

"I don't care, Jasper. Sell it. I don't want it."

Again, he tried to convince me that I was making a mistake. His hands flipped through paperwork in front of me, pointing out various graphs and bank statements that showed how much profit my mother had made from her involvement. "The money you could make, just off of this alone, would be enough for you to retire on, Bella. Do you understand that?"

"I understand, Jasper." I closed the file and handed it to him. In a softer voice, trying very hard not to lose my temper, I said, "And I don't want it."

"What are you doing?" He asked, shaking his head. "Bella, this… this could take care of you for the rest of your life."

"And the other money she left won't?" I countered. "The money from her estate alone, not including anything I'll make from selling off all this shit, will be more than enough. I can take care of myself, of Dad and Sue, and none of that comes with strings attached to it. I can take it, leave, and not have anything tying me back to Forks."

Without dropping his gaze from mine, his hand instinctively reached for the last folder on the table and held it up for me to see. "And this?" he asked.

Slowly, I shook my head. "I can't, Jasper."

He sat it down before leaning back in his chair. "Alice and I… we thought that…" His voice drifted off and he looked like he was keeping himself from saying something. His eyes looked down at the table and his head slowly shook.

"What?" I prompted him.

It took a minute for him to finally look up at me again, and when he did, he looked incredibly sad. "We thought that… you and Edward had worked things out, that you'd at least agreed to remain friends. At the funeral…"

"No," I said, interrupting him. "No. Edward and I… we're…" I tried to think of a word that would work, that would make Jasper understand that things weren't ever going to be anything remotely close to what we'd been before. "We're _finished_, Jasper. We said what we had to, what we needed to, but… we can't go back to what it was. Ever."

"And Alice?" He asked, quietly. "What about her? Or Emmett? What about those of us that you aren't finished with, Bella?"

This time, it was my eyes that dropped to the table.

"I can't ever understand what happened between you and Edward, but I do know that he isn't the only person who missed you when you left. And he won't be the only person you hurt if you leave again. Your best friend's children have no idea who you are, Bella. You have no idea how much that hurts Alice."

"I don't want to hurt her. You know that." I whispered, looking up at him. "But you have to understand that I can't stay here, Jasper. I can't _be_ here."

"Then do it right this time. Don't leave the same way you did before," he said, gathering all of the folders together. Before continuing, he'd stacked them neatly together. "You're here, and you will be until all of this is settled. Spend time with your friends, Bella. Then, when you do leave, at least you've shown them that you cared enough to let them back in."

When I didn't say anything in return, his fingers tapped the stack of paperwork. "I can't tell you what to do here, Bella. You know, just as well as I do, how all of this works. But, before I leave, let me say that you need to think about all of this before you write it off. Okay?"

After giving me a wan smile, Jasper left me sitting at my mother's kitchen table. Several minutes after he'd gone, I was still there, looking at everything he'd left for me to go through. But it was odd, because now I didn't know if he'd meant my mother's estate or the people I'd hurt so much in the past. I sat there, taking what he'd said to heart, thinking about the way I'd left all of them before.

Sitting up straight, I pulled the top file off the stack he'd left for me. After a deep breath, I flipped it open and started reading every bit of information he'd given me regarding _Hope House_.

xXxXxXx

"Can you say Bella? Bell-uh?"

I smiled while Alice's daughter looked up at me, hoping she'd do as her mother asked and say my name. Instead, she held her hand out and offered me a slobber covered paper stick that had once held a sucker. Taking it, I said thank you, and then watched as he walked away.

"Sorry, she is so shy sometimes," Alice explained, taking the stick away from me, "but she'll warm up to you once she gets to know you. And when Peter wakes up from his nap, I promise you won't have a chance to say two words. That kid talks non-stop. They're complete opposites!"

Following her through their house, I watched as she grabbed empty cups, toys and blankets while magically, and simultaneously, putting things away. While one foot was scooting a toy truck out from the middle of the floor, her hands were scooping away the cluttered mess on the table. It was impressive to say the least.

"I can't believe you're a mom."

"Oh, believe me, I think the same thing some days!" Alice laughed. "Those kids were a _complete_ surprise! We weren't even trying, hadn't even seriously talked about it, and then _BAM!_ I'm pregnant."

I smiled. "With twins."

Sitting down, she nodded her head. "With twins. My mother swears it is payback for me and Edward because the whole twin gene thing is supposed to skip generations, you know?" She stopped talking long enough to pick a stray marker up off of the floor but then started back up again. "But, at least we got it all out of the way with one shot. One boy, one girl, and now we're done."

Alice leaned back in her chair, tilted her head to the side and smiled. "What about you? What do you have going on in Phoenix? I see you in a fabulous apartment in some downtown high rise with a spectacular view of the desert; a big strapping man coming over every night to feed you grapes while you lounge on your patio; having him fan you with one of those absurdly gigantic feathers!"

I laughed quietly. "More like a townhouse with a view of my neighbor tanning naked in her backyard."

"Oh." Alice made a face. "What about the big strapping man part? Did I at least get that right?"

Slowly, I shook my head. An awkward look of surprise crossed across Alice's face before it was replaced with the same grin she'd had from before. It was then that I realized that I hadn't told anyone about what had happened before I'd left to come back here. No one knew about my job, or Jake.

"There was… someone," I quietly said, looking down at the table. For some reason I felt guilty telling her this, like because she was Edward's sister she shouldn't know anything about relationships, or relationship, I'd had since leaving Washington. But it was her wide grin and excited voice that made me realize it was okay to talk to her about it.

"And?" She asked, her voice pitched higher than usual. "What happened with that?"

Again, I laughed. "Well, to be honest with you, he was a jackass."

Her laughter reverberated around the kitchen, making my smile even bigger. And just like that, in the few minutes I'd been at her house, Alice had broken down all the walls I'd had built around my life in Arizona. Just by listening, by asking questions, I realized that Jasper had been right. I didn't have to keep everyone from my past at arm's length. I could be friends with Alice, and Emmett. I could be a part of their lives if I wanted to, if they wanted me to. And to finally tell someone what had happened, with me losing my job and with Jake, was a huge relief. Especially when Alice agreed that I'd done the right thing.

"What were you supposed to do?" She asked. "Let those girls go back to their crack whore mother?"

Holding my hands up, I said, "Right? Like that would even be an option?"

"Well." she swung her legs off the chair and headed for the coffee pot. "I can tell you one thing. You obviously were not supposed to be there, Bella, or none of this would have happened."

She handed me a mug of coffee before sitting back down.

"What do you mean?" I asked, taking a slow and careful sip. "Like all of this is predestined?"

Alice shrugged her shoulders delicately. "You'll find where you're supposed to be; especially with your… personal experience. You'll find somewhere that you fit in, somewhere that you feel like you can make a difference."

I smiled, hoping she was right.

**AN: Till we meet again. Hopefully it won't take as long! **


	12. Unfair

**AN: I don't know if this should be considered an outtake or not but I hope you like it. Title is based off of song called Unfair by Kate Voegele.**

**I own nothing.**

**Bella**

After spending my days with Alice and the kids, it was difficult for me to go back to the empty house that waited for me. Granted, I was glad to have gotten rid of the majority of my mother's crap, but the vacant rooms and naked walls didn't help with the loneliness that always seemed to rear its ugly head just as I was starting to get ready for bed; a time that was too late for busying myself by playing with Peter and Charlotte, catching up with Alice and Emmett, or randomly showing up at my father's house without granting him the right to be worried about me. So, I would wander up to the bedroom at my mother's house and try to make myself fall asleep. It never worked.

I'd lay there, my arms folded underneath my head, thinking about all of the things I shouldn't have been. My mind would take me back to when we'd been in high school, to the first night that I'd spent sleeping in Edward's- not Alice's- bed at the Cullen's house. It had all started because, like now, I couldn't sleep. When I'd finally had enough of the tossing and turning, I'd snuck out of my mother's house and walked the entire way to the Cullen's. Like I'd always done, I crawled along the fence and up to the roof that led to their second story. That time though, I had made my way to the back of the house and quietly knocked on Edward's bedroom window. He'd lifted the paned glass, without looking shocked to see me standing there, and when I had told him I couldn't sleep he let me inside and tucked me into his bed. Looking back I can see how scandalous it really was, us being sixteen and me sneaking into his bedroom in the middle of the night, but at the time it made perfect sense. There wasn't sex, at least not then, only the feeling of finally being able to relax enough to _finally _fall asleep.

Here and now though, it was a different story. I couldn't run to his house in the middle of the night and ask him to just hold me while I fall asleep, not only because I didn't know where he lived, but mainly because I _shouldn't _want to. Despite the fact that I'd made it plainly obvious to anyone who might have had even a small idea about Edward and me becoming anything more than a part of each other's past, I couldn't make myself stop remembering him.

It was logical, I suppose, since he had been one of my only sources of love and comfort since I was fifteen years old- and a friend several years before that- but it still made me feel like I was giving in somehow. Did it make me weak to want him to comfort me? Was it like I'd given up and let him win? Edward had hurt me, deeply. How could my heart forgive him, _want_ him, when my mind didn't? It didn't make sense that part of me craved to see him, talk to him, when the other part never wanted to see him again.

Turning onto my side, I closed my eyes and squeezed a pillow to my chest. And for the third night in a row, I tried to ignore the tears that slipped down my cheek and prayed for the morning to hurry up and get here.

xXxXxXx

**Edward**

"Is Bella coming to play tomorrow?" Peter asked, shoving his green beans off of his plate.

At the mention of her name, my head snapped up and my eyes immediately found Alice's. I tried not to seem alarmed- or shocked- by the fact that my nephew not only knew who Bella was, but was asking if she was going to come to their house. I am pretty sure I didn't pull it off.

Jasper roughly cleared his throat, trying to relieve the silence that had filled their kitchen. But my sister gave me a look that clearly meant we would have _that_ conversation later before putting the vegetables back onto her son's plate. "She won't if you don't eat, Peter. Now come on, you can't just eat bread for dinner."

He made a face before turning to look up at me. "Do you know Bella?"

"Um…" I shook my head, slightly, trying to make sense of this conversation. "I… yeah, I do. She is Mommy's friend."

He opened his mouth, no doubt to tell me more about Bella, but his father quickly put a stop to the chattering with a threat of early bed and no desert if he didn't finish eating his food. Peter begrudgingly picked up a green bean, under Alice's glare, while his sister smiled at her clean plate. I normally loved Alice's cooking, but tonight I had to agree with my nephew. Every bite I took was forced; in an attempt to at least _act_ like I wasn't wondering what my ex-fiancé had been doing playing with my niece and nephew, and why my sister hadn't told me.

While Jasper bathed the kids and put them to bed, I sat on their back porch waiting for Alice to finish the dishes and join me. Before she could even open the screen door, I was demanding to know what the hell had been going on. "She just comes over and hangs out? You don't feel that is something I need to know? Alice-"

"Whoa." My sister held her hands up to stop me. "First off, Bella is my friend, Edward. If I want her to meet my children before she leaves again then I certainly have the right to do that. Secondly, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to react like this."

Leaning against the porch railing, I slowly shook my head before sighing. It took a few seconds before I could ask her, "Is she okay? You know I've been worried sick about her. Charlie said she wasn't seeing anyone, wouldn't talk to anyone, but yet she is coming over here to have tea parties with Peter and Charlotte?"

"She's stuck in a town where she thinks everyone hates her, where she is constantly facing things from her past that she'd rather forget, all the while dealing with Renee's shit. How do you think she is? She's miserable, which is why I invite her over here to hang out with us. The same reason why Emmett calls her every night to make sure she is okay, Edward. You aren't the only one that cares about her."

"You think I don't know that?" I asked, angrily. "But the least you could have done is tell me-"

Alice shook her head. "No. This is not for me to get in the middle of, Edward. I told you the night that Renee died not to run after Bella when she got here, to let her deal with this in her own time. But you showed up at the hospital looking for her and then the night of the funeral chased her upstairs to make her talk to you. She is scared to death of everything right now, and as her friend, I need to be there for _her_."

"And what about me, Alice? I am your fucking brother! You don't think this is hard for me? I showed up at the hospital hoping-I don't know- that she'd have a five year old kid by her side! That I'd finally get the answers I needed to understand why she left!" I yelled, pushing away from the railing. "And you know why I followed her upstairs? Why I chased after her? Because I love her, Alice! Because even after all of this, after everything, I still can't let her go! And what hurts more than anything else is knowing that I can't make this better for her! I can't do anything to help!"

In a quiet voice, Alice said, "Yes, you can."I turned away, not wanting to hear what she had to say, but she grabbed my arm forcing me back to look at her. "You have to be patient, Edward."

"For what?" I asked, laughing sarcastically before forcefully wiping stupid tears off of my cheeks. "Be patient for her to leave and never come back? She hates me."

"No." My sister shook her head. "She doesn't hate you, Edward. She hates this-she hates her mother, but Bella doesn't hate you. Right now she won't let anyone help her, barely lets anyone near her, but I know that she needs all of us, especially you. We just have to… wait."

"Wait?" I looked down at my feet, my voice shuddering. "I've waited six years."

Alice's small hand held mine and she squeezed my fingers before asking, "And would you wait six more if you had to?"

Without hesitating, I nodded.

xXxXxXx

That night, after leaving Alice and Jasper's house, I drove the familiar path that led to Renee Higginbotham's house. Once there, I parked my car across the street and did nothing but sit and stare at the only light that was on; the one in Bella's old bedroom. It was well past midnight before it was finally extinguished, and even then I stayed where I was, watching her window.

Despite the foul mood that I'd been in, I couldn't help but smile, remembering how Bella used show up outside my bedroom window in the middle of the night. She'd tell me how she couldn't sleep and I'd invite her inside without ever considering the fact that my parents, or her parents, would have been extremely irate if they'd ever found out. I didn't care, and neither did she. All I ever concerned myself with was taking care of her, making sure she knew that she was more than all of the vile things her mother called her. So I'd lead her to my bed, cover her up with my blankets, and hold her against my chest until she fell asleep. And now, all these years later, here I was outside of her house in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep. I wanted to knock on her window, tell her I just needed to sleep beside her, but that was crazy.

Alice may think that Bella needed me, and I continued to hope that she did. But, in reality, I doubted very seriously that she needed anything from me other than being left alone. She'd left me six years ago and made a life for herself. I was the one who'd come back, who'd struggled, who'd never been able to let go… And now I was the one outside her window in the middle of the night. No, Bella didn't need me, and it was time that I learned to deal with the fact that I shouldn't need her either.

I gave her window one more look before starting my car and slowly pulling away from the curb outside Renee Higginbotham's house. And as I drove away, I tried very hard to ignore the fact that Bella's bedroom light had once again been turned on.

**What do you think? JFI**


	13. Resovle

**As always, I own nothing.**

**Bella**

Sitting in the car, in the parking lot that sat directly in front of Hope House, I was starting to seriously reconsider the offer I'd made to help Jasper. Suddenly, it didn't seem like such a great idea to "just run a key by so Edward can get some files we need to finish closing out the estate." I shouldn't have volunteered to do it, regardless of how desperate I'd become to fill the empty spots in my day, because I already had a suspicious that this was going to end unfavorably for everyone involved.

This is what I got for asking if there was anything I could do to help Jasper. What part of me thought this was a good idea? Why had I told him I would do it?

"Because you're an idiot." I told myself. "That's why."

As I got out of the car, I told myself that maybe I'd get lucky. Maybe he wouldn't even be there and I could just leave the key with the first employee I saw. After all, when Jasper had asked me to "run a few errands" he never mentioned having to actually give this directly to Edward. But as I pulled open the door that lead into the lobby, I knew that luck was definitely not going to be on my side anytime soon. Standing behind the receptionist, staring at the computer screen, stood an extremely disheveled Edward Cullen.

He glanced up at me, quickly the first time, and then once it had registered that I was the one standing just inside their door, his gaze slowly focused on my face.

"Hi, how can I help you?" The completely oblivious receptionist asked me.

Instead of answering her however, I simply held up the key I'd been asked to get from my mother's purse. "Jasper said you needed this."

Edward's eyes went from my face, to the key, and then back. It took a few awkward seconds of silence before he finally snapped out of the state of surprised shock. "Yeah," he said, roughly clearing his throat. "Yeah, we couldn't find the key to her desk and…"

"You're Bella?" The receptionist interrupted him. She was up and out of her chair, pulling open the door that lead back into their offices, before I had a chance to even nod my head at her question. "I've heard so much about you!"

Her hand was thrust towards me, and I dumbly shook it. "I'm sorry?"

"Your mother talked about you all the time!" She said, practically ripping my arm off with the vigor of her handshake. "I am so sorry for your loss."

Thankfully, Edward interceded before the poor girl was put through the humiliation of me telling her that whatever my mother might have told her about me was probably nothing more than a pack of lies meant to make herself look like a saint.

"Bella, why don't you come on back? I'll get you the files Jasper needed." His hand, placed firmly on my back, led me away from the overly enthusiastic receptionist. As I walked past him, I heard him say, "Bree, hold my calls. Okay?"

I didn't look back to see if Bree was nodding her head, or still following behind us. Instead, I slowly walked my way down the hallway that led past conference rooms and offices. The walls were filled with children's framed artwork and pictures of people throughout the community, smiling and laughing. When my eye caught sight of a picture of my mother, I stopped to look at it.

She looked polished and perfect just like she always had. Her hair styled in an elegant shoulder length bob, pearls around her neck, nail polish matching the suit she was wearing. I shook my head at how absolutely fake it all seemed.

"That was the last Trustee portrait she had taken," Edward said from behind me. "After she got sick, she refused to get new ones."

Without looking at him, I muttered, "Typical Renee."

Crossing my arms across my chest, I moved down the hallway to look at the next picture, and then the next, until I came across Edward's. He looked handsome, anyone would agree with that. In a timeless navy suit and tie, he looked very debonair, and entirely out of place next to the older Trustees' portraits that accompanied him.

"Are you the youngest one?" I asked, straightening the frame.

"Well I was." He held his hand out for the key I was still carrying. "Until you took Renee's place."

I dropped the key on his opened palm, but not before saying, "You know I'm not taking her place, Edward. Jasper must have told you that I-"

"Yeah," he cut me off. "Jasper told me you had absolutely no interest in anything regarding _Hope House_. I know."

With that, he closed his fingers around the key and walked past three more doors until he reached the corner office. I watched him as he unlocked it and then hesitated before pushing it open. Once he had, he didn't go inside. Instead, he took a step back and motioned for me to go in first.

I wouldn't have thought it was anything more than him being gentlemanly, with the whole ladies first thing, until we were both in my mother's office. His shoulders were set in a rigid stance, higher than normal, while his fingers clinched into fists.

Before I could stop myself, I asked if he was okay.

With his jaw set, Edward nodded his head. "Yeah. I'm fine."

He walked to my mother's desk, pushing the chair out of the way, before using the key I'd given him to unlock her desk drawer.

As he searched for whatever it was Jasper needed, I gave into the curiosity that was hounding me and looked around Renee's office. Her shelves were filled with different awards that she'd been given- plaques and small glass trophies. I rolled my eyes and resisted the urge to dump the whole damn lot of them into the trash can, but the sound of files hitting the top of the desk shook me from my bitter stupor and I turned back to see Edward squinting at my mother's handwriting.

I tried not to watch him, noticing the small, miniscule things that he did. But I'd spent the better part of my life honed in on his mannerisms. Before he ever opened his mouth and said a word, I could tell what kind of mood he was in, what he wanted or needed, and what he was thinking. I knew the crease between his eyebrows meant that he had been worrying over something. I could tell by the way he carried himself that he hadn't slept soundly in a while. And if I was brave enough to glance into his eyes, I knew I would find nothing but heartache and sadness within them… all because of me, because of the damage we'd done to each other. I crossed my arms across my chest and turned away from him just as he was looking up from the desk.

"These aren't everything," Edward muttered, flipping through files. With my back still to him, I listened and heard him pull out more drawers before shuffling items around until there was the small clinking sound of keys. Then the draw was shut and he said, "Let me check the safe."

He didn't offer to take me with him, and I was grateful. With Edward gone, I let out the breath I'd been holding since opening the door to the building. My hands, shaking, covered my face and I repeatedly swallowed to try and keep myself from crying.

I absolutely hated being like this, like I just couldn't get comfortable anywhere I went. I wasn't happy at my mother's house. I couldn't relax at Alice and Jasper's, my father's house, and certainly not anywhere near Edward. Regardless of where I went, or what I did, it was like putting a square peg in a circular hole. I didn't fit here. I didn't fit in Arizona. I didn't…

The sound of someone entering the room made me spin around, expecting to see Edward giving me some sort of apathetic look. Instead, I was met by a pair of wide, brown, eyes- one of which was partially covered by a blanket of dark, mahogany-brown, hair.

The woman in the doorway simply stood there as I brushed away the few tears that had escaped the corner of my eyes. She didn't offer an introduction or tell me that she was sorry for intruding, but once my eyes focused back on hers, she looked down at the carpet and shuffled to my mother's desk.

As she pulled the trashcan out from under the desk, I watched her, noticing that she moved with careful and slow movements- almost as if she was cowering away from me. It was when she straightened back up, and her hair fell back off her face, that I saw a long scar that ran from the woman's forehead to her chin, pulling the corner of eye and lip down. The cowering stance and lack of introduction automatically made sense.

"Hi." I said, keeping my distance. When she finally met my eyes, I smiled at her. "I'm Bella."

The woman nodded before lifting up a hand in recognition. Her mouth moved, as if she might have said hello in return, or even given me her name, but it sealed up tightly when Edward walked through the door.

He was reading, as he walked, but looked up when the trashcan was clumsily placed back underneath the desk. His face softened when he saw her, and the look of pity that filled his eyes was all too familiar. He'd looked at me like that for years.

The woman walked past him, with her head ducked and her arms crossed across her body, and he slowly moved out of the way- as if that would have made her more comfortable. Once she was in the hallway, Edward slowly shook his head before sighing.

"Is she okay?" I asked, keeping my voice down.

Before answering, he checked the hallway and then quietly shut the door. "She will be. Hopefully." He moved back to my mother's desk and once again started going through the files on her desk. "To be honest, I'm surprised that she came in here with you. Emily normally avoids any and all human interaction."

I moved closer to him, making sure to keep the chair and desk between us. "What happened to her?"

With hesitant movements, Edward sat down the folder he'd been holding and looked up at me. "She…" He cleared his throat and started over. "According her to medical records from the hospital her husband has always been abusive, but then he did that to her face and… well, we don't really know what happened, because she won't talk to anyone. She showed up here one night, the crap beaten out of her, and she has been here ever since."

"Oh my… God."

I knew, just from looking at her, that she'd been abused. It was like a sixth sense- once you'd been in that situation, you could pick up on mannerisms and emotions, but I never would have guessed it was that bad.

Edward continued. "We've told her she can stay, as long as she needs to, but a few months back Emily started doing odd jobs around here; like she doesn't want to stay without paying us back somehow." He shook his head, sadly. "I just wish she would open up to someone, _anyone_, so that we can help her through this."

"No family or friends?" I asked, moving around the chair and sitting down. "She doesn't have anyone?"

Again, Edward shook his head. "I tried to contact a next of kin a few months ago and… it didn't end well."

The look on my face must have shown that I was waiting for him to continue, and he did, hesitantly. After pulling my mother's desk chair closer, he sat down and sighed. "Do you remember that day… at the beach? The guys that came over to talk to me?"

I nodded.

"That was Emily's husband and brother. After she'd been here a few weeks, I called her brother and immediately knew that I'd made a horrible mistake. He didn't give a damn about her safety or health. He just kept asking me where she was, what I'd done with her." Edward flipped a pen between his fingers for a few seconds before continuing. "For a while they showed up here, demanding that she talk to them, but she was always back in the residential part of the building and never even knew they were here. We'd lock down the building and call the police… finally they stopped."

"But at the beach…"

He smiled, grimly. "It isn't anything I can't handle, Bella. Trust me."

Worry fired up in chest. "That wasn't the first time they've confronted you, was it?"

Again, Edward sighed before answering me. "No. But, we've taken precautions. It will be fine."

"Precautions? I asked, shaking my head. "Edward you could get hurt! You've got to contact the police!"

"They're from the reservation, Bella. The police can't do anything, and we've contacted the tribe's elder counsel. No eye witnesses, no real threats… without Emily coming forward they can't do anything to either one of them."

"Maybe Jasper can do something." I suggested. "Has she talked to an attorney?"

"Emily won't talk to anyone, especially men. And, unfortunately, there aren't any female attorneys in this area that do charity work for our organization. We're trying to get one from Seattle, someone Jasper knows, but even that is taking forever." He stopped talking, obviously catching the look of anger and outrage on my face. His hands were held up before he continued. "We are doing the best we can, Bella."

"That poor woman has been abused for God knows how long, and there isn't anyone that is willing to at least try to talk to her?" I asked, anger making my voice louder than I meant for it to be. "Is that what you're telling me?"

"Jasper tried to talk to her and Emily cowered down in the corner of the office crying!" Edward yelled back at me. "No one wants the hassle of dealing with the reservation! I've tried!"

I stood up, ready to tell him to try harder, but stopped when I realized what was right in front of me.

I'd wanted something to keep me busy, something that would keep me out of my mother's house and not at Alice and Emmett's until I'd worn out their hospitality. This was something I could do, something I could make a difference at. To make the firm in Arizona look more appealing to clients, they'd ask me to keep my certification in Washington active, which I thought was ridiculous but did anyway. And now, here I was, faced with an opportunity to use it and my experience that I had as a family attorney. Not to mention the experience I'd had enduring my mother's abusive tendencies.

Suddenly, Alice's voice filled my head.

_You'll find where you're supposed to be; especially with your… personal experience. You'll find somewhere that you fit in, somewhere that you feel like you can make a difference_

My ass fell back into the chair, and I slowly shook my head, wondering how she could have known… How could she…

"Bella?" Edward asked, loudly.

Looking up, I slowly shook my head, trying to focus. He asked if I was alright, which I ignored. "Do you have an empty office available?"

"Uh… well, we can find one, but what-"

"I'm not comfortable moving Emily to a different environment. She is… safe here. And she needs to stay that way." I said, standing up. "But I'll need a space to talk to her, to try and get her to talk to me."

"Wait, Bella… what are you saying?"

"I'm saying I'm going to help her, Edward. And I can't do that using my mother's office."

**AN: Well, what do you think?**


	14. Friends

**AN: I own nada.**

**Bella**

Playing with the silverware in front of me, I tried to appear completely causal and at ease. Unfortunately, I didn't pull it off. The waiter kept stopping by my table, asking if I needing anything while I waited. On his third visit, he casually suggested an alcoholic beverage "something to take the edge off"- I took him up on his offer and ordered a glass of wine. I was halfway through my second glass when Edward walked through the restaurant's doors.

He stopped to shake hands with a few people that waited in the lobby before looking around to find me. As he wove his way towards me, again, he stopped to say hello to several different people. When he'd finally reached our table, I realized that this whole meeting in public deal might not have been such a great idea. He sat down, apologizing for keeping me waiting, and I tried to ignore the looks of people watching us.

This was just one of the problems with living in a town like Forks- everyone knew who we were. They knew our past, our history. And even if they didn't know the how and why of why we weren't together anymore- they did know that Edward and I had been inseparable since we'd been in junior high school. They knew we'd left together for college, knew we'd been engaged, and knew that Edward had returned to Forks without me. The majority of the people in this restaurant had been at my mother's funeral, had witnessed my little emotional breakdown, and were now leaning their heads together, whispering.

Taking another drink, I shook my head at his apologies. "It's fine. You said you wouldn't be able to meet until seven. I just got here early."

Edward casually flipped through the menu in front of him. "So."

I took a breath- hoping to settle the nervousness that made my chest feel tight- but was stopped from saying anything by the waiter.

"Glad you made it. Was afraid I'd have to bail your girl out of a no show." He smiled at Edward. "What can I get you to drink?"

"Water." He answered, pointedly. "And give us a few minutes to order."

I felt my cheeks flush from embarrassment and once again started fidgeting with the utensils in front of me. This wasn't a date and I was far from being Edward's girl. End of story. And I didn't want anyone assuming anything different. But, thankfully, before I could blurt this information out to the whole restaurant, Edward had dismissed the waiter.

He moved his chair, angling his body so that I was partially hidden behind his broad shoulders, and then unfolded his napkin. "Sorry, again."

"I didn't…" I muttered, trying to think of what I should say to him. "I didn't think this would be such an ordeal."

Edward laughed, once, before shaking his head. "Bella, by the time we walk out of here, the whole town will know we had dinner together. And tomorrow, something else will happen and people will have forgotten all about it. Just… tell me what you wanted to talk about."

I dropped the spoon I'd been playing with. "If I do this, with Emily, you and I have got to get past… whatever this is."

From the look on his face, Edward hadn't expected me to be so blunt. Looking down at his lap, he repeated me. "Whatever this is?"

Okay, I probably could have worded it a little better, but he had to know what I was talking about. "Me staying, and helping her, is not… it doesn't mean I'm staying forever, or that I'm fulfilling Renee's request for Hope House. I want to help her, Edward." I sat up straighter, making sure he was looking at me before I continued. "It stops there though. I need to make sure that you, and everyone else, understands that."

The waiter dropped off Edward's water and he calmly waited for him to get out of ear shot being responding to me. "And you couldn't tell me this over the phone? Or, tomorrow at the office? You had to do this here?"

"I figured if we did this in public there would be less chance of there being a huge argument between the two of us," I answered, honestly.

Edward took a drink before shaking his head. "I need to know why. Why Emily?"

"Because-"

He held up his hand, interrupting me. "You look at this, at her, like a project that can keep you busy until Jasper is finished sorting out Renee's estate, and that is fine. But I need to make sure that you understand that she isn't just a pet project, Bella. If you do this, you have to understand that it may not be a quick fix. It may take months for her to open up to you, if she does at all."

"I know that."

"I'm responsible for her, Bella. I'm-"

"Edward." I reached across the table and held on to his hand to stop him from continuing. "I know, okay? I understand what this means- for all of us. I know how this works."

A few second passed before he asked, "How does it work?"

Letting go of his hand, I slowly leaned back into my chair. "I will not leave Forks until I know that I've given Emily the very best that I have to offer. I know I can do this, Edward. I know I can help her."

"And if you can't?"

Thinking, before answering, I made sure that my response was the honest truth. "Then at least I know I tried. I can walk away and know that I gave her a hundred percent chance to end all of this, to have a fighting chance at a normal life where she doesn't have to be scared that someone will always be waiting, lurking in the dark, to hurt her. It's the same… hope… that I had for myself when we left for Seattle. You, better than anyone else, knows how long it took for me stop believing that my mother was right. That I was worth… anything. Emily deserves that. She deserves the chance to tell her story, to put up a fight, and to end all of it."

With his hand covering his mouth, and his elbow leaning against the arm of the chair, Edward stared down at the table. He stayed that way for several minutes until the waiter had come back to take our order. It wasn't until he'd collected our menus and walked away that Edward's eyes finally focused on mine.

"I'll have to have proof of your licensing in Washington as well as non-disclosure agreement from the firm you're working for in Arizona. It is too big of a liability for the personal information of our guests to be shared with anyone outside of the organization."

My eyes dropped to the wine glass in front of me. "I'm not with them anymore so that won't be an issue."

"What? What… happened?"

I shook my head before taking drink. "It doesn't matter, does it? I'm not obligated to tell them, or anyone else, what case I'm working on. I would be like Jasper… a freely associated attorney for the Hope House organization. I would volunteer my time and services just like he does."

It was a moment before Edward spoke again. When he did, he leaned into the table, resting his forearms on either side of the small appetizer plate in front of him. "Then I guess that only leaves one other issue on the table, doesn't it?"

Reluctantly, I looked up at him. "We both have to move past… our past."

"And how do we do that, Bella? How do we… let go of years of unanswered questions, of absolute heartache, and work together every single day?"

That question alone was what had led me to asking him to dinner. And honestly, I didn't know the answer any more than he did. What I did know was that I could not let my past interfere with helping Emily. So how did we move past this? How did we at least agree to be civil to one another? The truth, and only conclusion I could come to, was that we both had to admit to our faults, our failures, mistakes, and misunderstandings. Together, we both had to make the decision to forgive.

Taking a deep breath, and then another drink, I matched Edward's posture and leaned against the table. "I'm sorry for… for leaving the way I did."

His immediate look of shock was quickly replaced by the same calm and collected gaze he'd had before.

"It wasn't fair for me to leave without telling you… or explaining why. I should have given you the opportunity to tell me why you wanted to come back here or at least given you the chance to leave with me. It wasn't fair for me keep the pregnancy a secret or let you go on thinking that I'd…"

My resolve, which had been ironclad beforehand, quickly dissolved into absolute nothingness. Closing my eyes, in an attempt to force back the tears that were threatening to spill over, I shook my head and leaned back in my chair.

Edward's voice, full of remorse and hurt, quietly said my name. "Bella…"

I made myself continue. "I will never be able to explain why… but I have to believe that you understand why I couldn't come back here. Regardless of the fact that you may or may not have come with me, you have to understand why I couldn't…"

Forcefully wiping away the tears that had escaped, I watched as Edward solemnly nodded his head before covering his eyes and tightly pressing his lips together. I had to look away when a tear fell down his cheek.

"I…" Edward took a deep breath before trying again. "I hate myself, every day, for even mentioning coming back here, Bella. It was stupid and selfish and… I knew better. I saw, first hand, how much Renee hurt you and I had no right to ask that of you. I'm sorry."

Reaching across the table, he tightly held on to my fingers, squeezing them so I'd look up at him.

"You asked me why I hit Jasper, when I'd found out that he said those things to you. It wasn't because I was trying to protect you, or defend you. It's because if anyone should be blamed for what happened, it should be me. He should have said those things to me. I'm the one that-"

Shaking my head, I stopped him. "We are both, equally, to blame for this, Edward. And the whole point of this, tonight, was to put an end to all of the blaming and finger pointing. We can't change what happened but we can put aside the hatred and move forward. We can stop… hating each other and just be… friends."

At the most inopportune moment, the waiter decided to make an appearance with our food. As he sat down the tray, yammering on about what excellent choices we'd made, Edward let go of my hand and we both leaned back into our chairs. He warned us about how hot out plates were, asked if I needed another glass of wine, and then finally left us alone.

In silence, we sat still, looking down at the food we had no desire to eat. Edward's fingers drummed against the linen table cloth while I prodded my dinner with the tines of my fork. He reached for the salt, only to sit it back down without seasoning his food. I sat down my utensil and covered my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Friends?" Edward asked, finally breaking the silence.

We both knew it was a long shot, given our history. But, in the hopes that we could both get past this and help Emily, I was willing to put aside my anger and hurt. I was willing to at least try and move past what had happened.

"Friends."


	15. Neighbors

**AN: I own nothing.**

**Bella**

For the first time, in a long time, I woke up without dreading the day ahead of me. I wouldn't have to find things to fill my day, or rely on Alice, Emmett, or my father to babysit me. Today, I woke up with a purpose. Today, I would actually do something that mattered. Thank God.

After wrapping a towel around my wet hair, and securing the tie of my robe, I stood staring at the almost empty closet in front of me. My plans for only being in Forks for a week obviously hadn't panned out, and my lack of wardrobe showed it. I hadn't planned on needing anything remotely dressy for anything other than the funeral, and as I slid the black dress off of the hanger, I realized I would have to go back to Phoenix and soon. I couldn't show up to work wearing jeans, shorts, and t-shirts, even if I wasn't technically an employee, until then, I'd have to make do with what limited clothing I did have.

As I pulled a bra out of my suitcase, I tried to ignore the questions bouncing around in my head. I shouldn't care if Edward was going to stop by and see me, show me the office he'd arranged, or even ask if I had a plan for Emily. We'd agreed to put our past history behind us and move forward for the sake of that poor woman, but that didn't mean that the two of us would be going to lunch, meeting up for coffee in the break room, or even seeing each other outside of the office. I'd decided to stay, to help Emily, but that didn't mean that I had to invite the heartache that was sure to happen with Edward. We'd agreed to be friends, and I would honor that, but there would still be boundaries. There had to be. Eventually I would leave Forks and return back to Phoenix for good, and creating more ties between the two of us wouldn't make the departure any easier. Leaving Alice, her kids, Emmett, my father, and Sue would be hard enough… I didn't need an additional complication thrown into the mix.

With all of that in mind, it still took more time than was normal for me to get ready. Driving through town, I double checked my make up at every stop sign and light, and as I pulled into the Hope House parking lot my stomach bubbled with nervousness.

"Jesus, Bella." I put the car in park and shoved my bangs off of my forehead. "He's seen you naked for-", I stopped that train of thought before it went any further and made myself get out of the car.

Crossing the parking lot, I smoothed out the fabric of my dress, tossed my hair off of my shoulder, and tightly gripped the handle of my bag. When I pulled open the door, I gave Bree a polite smile while walking to her window.

"Hi, Ms. Swan," she grinned up at me while quickly punching numbers on her telephone's key pad. "Edward said you'd be starting—Hi, Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan is here. Yes, sir. Okay." She hung up and then pushed a button to unlock the side door. "Come on back, he is on his way up here."

"Thanks." I pulled open the door and made sure it was shut firmly behind me. "And please, call me Bella. I appreciate the gesture but Mrs. Swan was my grandmother and I really hope I don't resemble an eighty year old chain smoker."

Bree's laughter was more like a little girl's giggle than the sound an adult would make, but when she saw Edward walking towards us, she stopped and went back to smiling politely, rolling her chair back towards her desk. "Welcome to the team, Bella."

I nodded in appreciation before pulling my bag onto my shoulder, and once Edward was closer, tried to smile. "Hey."

"Morning," he said, reaching behind to take a set of keys off of counter I was leaning against. "Bree, hold my calls until I get Bella settled in, okay? And call Carolyn to make sure Emily is okay with meeting around two."

"Yes, sir."

Motioning for me to follow him, Edward took off down the hall while twirling the key ring around his finger. It took a few strides for me to match his, but once I was beside him, I asked. "Two? I don't want to waste a whole day."

"Well, unfortunately, before you can start doing anything I have to get you to fill out some paperwork." He turned a corner, walked past two offices, and then started unlocking a door. "You also have to meet the rest of the staff and review her files with her psychologist. Two o'clock is pushing it as it is."

I followed him into my office, muttering something about bureaucratic red tape, and then dropped my bag on one of the chairs. "Then let's get this over with. I don't want to waste any more time than I have to."

He laughed quietly, handing me the set of keys. "Well, this is your office."

"Spectacular."

"Chair, desk, filing cabinets- all pretty standard. Feel free to bring your own pictures or decorations if you want." He walked around the desk, straightening the cord to the phone. "Your extension is 117; dial nine to reach an outside line-"

"Seriously, Edward?" I asked, crossing my arms across my chest.

He smiled. "Come on, your paperwork is in my office."

I expected his office to be further away from mine, but when he walked across the hall and pushed open a door, my steps faltered. "You're across the hall?"

"Is that a problem?" He asked, motioning for me to sit down. He closed the door behind us and walked around his desk.

"No…" Hoping I came across as indifferent rather than slightly nervous, I did as he asked and sat down. I'd been prepared to see Edward occasionally, talking to him only when I'd really needed to. I was not ready to be faced with the daily encounters that were sure to happen.

As he dug through a side filing cabinet, I looked around his office, smiling when I saw a picture of two toothless grinning children. Pictures of Peter and Charlotte, of Alice, and his parents were scattered across the desk and filing cabinets while framed Crayola drawings sat on his bookshelf along with several different plaques of appreciation. The diploma he'd earned from the University of Washington was framed and hung next to a sketch of the Hope House building. It was very much like Edward, having small pieces of the most important things in his life, sitting around the office he occupied most days of the year.

I picked up a picture of Edward playing with his niece and nephew, the three of them rolling around on the floor, and smiled. "You would have made a great dad."

The moment the words left my mouth, I wished they hadn't. And judging the look on Edward's face, he was just as surprised by the comment as I was. Slowly, he shut the sliding drawer, dropped the file he was holding onto the desk, and then looked down at me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I shouldn't… not here."

Carefully, he sat down and smoothed down the fabric from his tie. "People here… they don't know what happened and I would really like to keep it that way if at all possible. A few know you, know about you and me, but they don't know the how and why of why it ended."

"Do they know about Renee?"

He shook his head. "People who knew you back then probably remember very little of how your mother was. They remember her now; remember how much she gave to this community."

Looking down at my hands, I frowned. "How the hell do you constantly put up with that? I know you hate her, Edward. Just being in her house, or her office, turns you into an entirely different person."

"I don't want to talk about it, Bella. Okay? This isn't…" His hands roughly scrubbed his face before he looked at me again. "One day, not here, I will tell you. But right now, I can't."

I nodded once.

Flipping open the manila folder, Edward pulled several different pieces of paper. "All of this is pretty standard; non-disclosure, confidentiality, HIPPA agreement, and background check."

I took the paperwork he handed me and started reading over them as he kept talking.

"For obvious reasons, security here is very strict. You'll be given access to certain areas of the building, others will be restricted. Your badge will also double as a keycard for the parking lot outback."

Signing my name, I asked him if anything, other than Emily's husband and brother showing up, had ever happened. From my peripheral vision, I saw him shake his head.

"I'd like to keep it that way, too. Anytime you're here late or on the weekends, and I'd really prefer you not to be, security will walk you to your car. If you have a guest, they will be required to enter through the main entrance and check in at the front desk."

Nodding, I handed him back the signed forms. "Got it."

"Aside from the abused women's and children housing, we also have after school care, tutoring, and elderly services." He slid a map of the building in front of me. "The after school care is here, the elderly center next door to it, and the residential housing is in the back."

I watched as his fingers moved across the page. "Yeah, I read about it in the information Jasper gave me."

He nodded before leaning back in his chair. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you this, but, any information regarding Emily stays in this building. It doesn't get discussed with anyone, even employees, unless you clear it through me first. The only exception would be Jasper and that is only because he has represented her previously, or tried to anyway."

"Who do I report to?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Me." He raised his hand. "Technically, you aren't a paid employee, but for all intents and purposes, I am your boss. You clear everything through me. Court dates, hearings, meetings, concerns- all of that-"

"Not happening." I said, shaking my head. This was already an issue. "I'm not one to be micromanaged, Edward. And you know it."

He leaned forward, resting his forearms on the wooden surface of his desk. "I am responsible for every person in this building including you, Emily, Jasper when he is here, and even my sister when she volunteers. That isn't something I take lightly, especially given the past… issues… we've had with her family. You want to do this? Then you play by my rules, Bella. I expect the same thing out of everyone else in this organization."

When I didn't argue with him, he continued.

"You can meet with Emily any time you want to, as long as she agrees to it. You can take her out into the garden, into an office, or even out in the parking lot. But, she does not leave these premises unless I know about it beforehand."

"And if she chooses to leave on her own will?" I asked him.

Edward's facial features tightened. "She's only done it once and ended up back at our door two months later with her face mutilated. I can't force someone to stay here, and I wouldn't even try to. Emily has every right to leave if she wants, but until all of this is finished, I pray to God she doesn't."

I nodded, opened my mouth to say something, and then stopped when I saw the way he was looking at me. "What?"

"I don't know how to say this without pissing you off."

Taking a breath, I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms across my stomach. "Let's have it."

"This whole ordeal, with Emily, something about it doesn't sit right with me. The way her brother, her husband, react any time I see them… it isn't right. This goes beyond spousal abuse."

"And you want me to be careful."

Edward picked up a pen, started twirling it around his fingers, and then continued. "I need you to promise me you'll tell me if something happens. If you find something out, if you see anything, you'll tell me."

"As long as you promise to trust my judgment, then sure." I lifted one shoulder. "This isn't my first experience with psychotic spouses, Edward. If I find something that can help Emily end this, I need to know that you won't haul me into the office and chain me to a chair because you're scared I'll get hurt. I don't need an overprotective shadow following me around and I definitely don't need you to make this more complicated than it already is. No more episodes like what you did to Jasper."

"He deserved-"

Shaking my head, I held up a hand and interrupted him. "I don't need you to protect me, Edward. I know that it goes against the grain with you given our past, but I can't do my job if you are hovering over me. At this point, her family has no idea who I am or if I am even involved. I can go to the reservation, being Sue's step-daughter, and no one will give it two thoughts. You, on the other hand, will stick out like a sore thumb."

"I don't want you going to the reservation without-"

"Edward."I cut him off. "Let me do my job."

His jaws moved, telling me that he was grinding his teeth together, but when he threw the pen down onto his desk I knew I'd won.

"You promise me that you'll be careful, promise that you'll tell me what is going on, and I promise I will trust your judgment _unless_ I am given a reason not to." He met my annoyed gaze head on and smiled before tacking on, "Tit for tat, Bella. Like I said, I'm responsible for you and Emily."

I sighed. "Fine."

"Say it, Bella."

Meeting his eyes, I said the two words that he'd always required. "I promise.

xXxXxXx

Sitting in one of the conference rooms with Edward next to me, and Emily's psychiatrist across from both of us, we went page by page through her records. There were years of ER reports, ranging from contusions to broken bones, dating back to when she'd only been a teenager.

Flipping through the pictures, I shook my head at the bruises that marked her body. "She was sixteen."

Edward took the picture I was handing him. "From what we can piece together, she was fourteen or fifteen when she moved here. No parents, no grandparents, the only family we've ever been able to contact was her brother."

Clicking my pen, I pulled the legal tablet closer to me. "When is her birthday?"

"September thirteenth," Doctor Miller answered. "Nineteen eighty-one."

I stopped writing and looked up at her. "What?"

"Same birthday as you." Edward's voice and very quiet when he answered me.

It wasn't unusual for people to share birthdays, happened all the time, but for some reason the information left my stomach feeling like a piece of lead. "If we're the same age and she lived here as a teenager then Leah and Sue probably know her. Leah graduated from high school the same year we did."

From next to me, I heard Edward sigh. "I never even thought about that."

"Leah? And Sue?" Dr. Miller asked. "Who are they?"

I answered her while still writing. "My step-mother and her daughter. They're from the reservation, still have property on it."

"I don't know a lot about Emily's childhood, or even adulthood, but I doubt that she had friends in school. If the abuse has been going on since she was fourteen, if not before then, she would have been withdrawn and reclusive. This may be a dead end before it even starts."

Dropping my pen, I looked across the table at her. "You ever been to the reservation, Doctor?" She shook her head and I smiled. "You have close to a hundred and fifty people living on less than 6 miles of land. If she moved to the reservation as a child, someone would have known about her. Trust me."

"They don't talk to anyone, Bella. Jasper and I-"

Turning my chair to face him, I smiled. "You and Jasper aren't me. I grew up out there, remember? Dad's best friend lived there until the day he died ten years ago."

He nodded, silently agreeing that I made a point but he didn't like it.

I closed the file folder in front of me, knowing that this was just going to be the beginning of Edward's disapproving looks. Before the week was out, I was going to go to the reservation and he was just going to have to deal with it.

"It is ten till two," I said, standing up. "I'd like to meet with Emily now."


End file.
